Confused

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by lulupop, Dec 28, 2010.

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  1. lulupop

    lulupop Member

    I'm quite new here, so i hope i have put this in the right part of the forum.

    I have had depression for 18 years now. I have often thought of suicide & had a plan of what i was going to do if i did go through with it.

    My moods go in peaks & troughs- at the moment it is seriously low. I feel so angry & bitter which i have never really felt before.

    I get angry at myself a lot- I feel like a freak- i'm a 32 y/o woman who doesn't want to get married, doesn't want children- I just don't want a 'normal' life. I do have a bf but i could quite easily just go and live on my own with some animals & not speak to anyone face to face ever again.

    I know this won't ever happen as i have no money or way of getting money to keep myself with a roof over my head.

    I'm not on any medication at the moment- i used to be on prozac but stopped as i was fed up with relying on pills. I'm not sure if i should go back to the doctors to get some medication?

    My head is all over the place at the moment- ideas of suicide have been in my head constantly for the last week or so. I don't have my plan anymore & i'll tell you why.....

    I'm not sure if any of you are aware of a man called William Melchert-Dinkel
    (if you haven't- http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/William_Francis_Melchert-Dinkel) I spoke to him & he 'helped' me with what medication to take etc. When it all came out in the papers about what he did & i found out he was a creepy bloke not an ill woman nurse, it freaked me out so much that i told my councellor & told her i had a stash of pills as my backup plan. At that time i felt so discusted in what he had said to me etc i asked her to dispose of them for me- now i have nothing. I feel scared i don't have my backup plan- i need another....maybe i need another Melchert-Dinkel to tell me what to do?

    I just hate my life/myself i feel helpless & have no idea what to do. Suicide seems like one idea that can help....that is the only clear cut idea that i have.

    Sorry to ramble/vent...i have no one else to talk to.
     
  2. NoMoneyToPlease

    NoMoneyToPlease Banned Member

    You want to consult a fake internet persona in order to get your suicide plan back on track? Is that what you are saying?
    You wish to find someone who will take up where an evil man left off?

    I honestly hope you wont and highly doubt you that you will meet that person on this forum.

    Come on,if you have been brainwashed by this Melchert-Dinkel fellow then you need to get help.

    What makes you think anyone who would want to talk you to your death could be anything but creepy,regardless of whether or not they pretend to be a young female nurse.

    Please you need to speak to a professional.You seem to be in a very vulnerable and easily to influence state.
     
  3. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Hi and so glad you posted...maybe there are other treatment options that you should investigate...and there are many other medications that might be effective without side effects..we all have mood swings and times when we feel low...talking about them here and with a professional might help you to feel less afraid and might help you find a new strategy to deal with them...many of us have found this...J
     
  4. lulupop

    lulupop Member


    That isn't what i was saying at all, and i certainly wasn't implying i'd find someone like that here but i don't trust anyone i meet online anymore.

    I haven't been brainwashed by him, he makes me sick...i wish i had never known what he really was as i was getting my life back on track and that coming out knocked me right back. It was tongue in cheek when i said maybe i need another Melchert-Dinkel. I read about what he did just a few weeks after my friend killed himself. It was not a good time.

    Thanks sadeyes- I think i will make an appointment with my doctor tomorrow. I need to get my mood stableized again, I have new moods of anger & bitterness...i think i need to try new meds.
     
  5. NoMoneyToPlease

    NoMoneyToPlease Banned Member

    Oh I see,It's like "that".

    "I'm not sure if any of you are aware of a man called William Melchert-Dinkel
    (if you haven't- http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/William...elchert-Dinkel) I spoke to him & he 'helped' me with what medication to take etc. When it all came out in the papers about what he did & i found out he was a creepy bloke not an ill woman nurse, it freaked me out so much that i told my councellor & told her i had a stash of pills as my backup plan. At that time i felt so discusted in what he had said to me etc i asked her to dispose of them for me- now i have nothing. I feel scared i don't have my backup plan- i need another....maybe i need another Melchert-Dinkel to tell me what to do?"

    Which part of that am I meant to take as humorous?
    And how does your friend relate to your original post in which they were not even mentioned?
     
  6. lulupop

    lulupop Member

    The part i put in bold. Maybe it was just for me to take as humourous Not directly aimed ay YOU maybe others might see a little humour...if you don't then fine, why are you so snappy about it?

    I didn't mention about my friend dying in the previous post...i appologise. I took the news of my friends death hard & then hearing about what 'that' man did make me extremley angry...i was just mentioning.

    I apologise if my post is all over the place but it is how my head is at the moment.

    If you have nothing contructive to say and the only thing you have to say is nitpicking please can you refrain from posting. Thank you.
     
  7. me myself and i

    me myself and i Account Closed

    My suggestion is support, not crossed wires in posts.
    Stay strong lulu. i hope to talk with you again. Pete
     
  8. lulupop

    lulupop Member

    Sorry if i crossed wires...maybe i said too much in the post...And like you said earlier...not everyone thinks like me :) Thanks for the chat...it really did help.
     
  9. me myself and i

    me myself and i Account Closed

    You did not cross them. Peace to you. Pete
     
  10. mulberrypie

    mulberrypie Well-Known Member

    hey, our names are almost the same! anyway, sorry youve been battling depression for such a long time. i think its okay if you dont want a 'normal' life. normal is kinda boring anyway. marriage + kids ≠ happiness. everyone is different

    im also really sorry that mixed up with that sick person. i really do think you should go back to a real professional and give it another try. good luck to you and please dont give up. im always here if you ever need someone to listen.

    :hug:
     
  11. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    i'm sorry you were a victim of this scam artist. one of the women who died as a result of chatting with him was here in canada. it was a great tragedy.

    i encourage you to go back to the doctor's and let them know you are feeling worse. i also feel a bit overmedicated but it's better than the alternatives. there are new medications on the market all the time. maybe something new will work without all the crappy side effects.

    oh and btw i think your original post was pretty clear, at least to me. don't worry about the initial respondent.

    catherine
     
  12. lulupop

    lulupop Member

    Thanks lollipop (love the name btw :smile:) It's lovely to know there are people here to talk to.

    I often think it's ok not to want a 'normal' life too but when it's shoved in your face all the time, it all seems to boil over. Luckily my bf already has a child and is 'ok' about me not wanting children. Although when i see him playing with his nephew i just know deep down he wants more kids. Time will tell.

    I would be happy in a little house with lots of animals around me :smile: I show them love & get love back :mhmm:

    I do already have some help with my councellor but atm we are dealing with my panic attacks/agoraphobia & i only see her every 2 weeks. I might ask to talk to her & see if i can get help elseware in the mental health team. Although the u.k's mental health department is severly lacking in funds & i don't always want to take up their time as there are a lot more people out there in more distress who need the time.
     
  13. lulupop

    lulupop Member

    Thanks Catherine, I'm not really a victim of him, I feel lucky that we stopped talking, he just disapeared. I obviously didn't fit his m.o. I think he wanted people to hang themselves or something but i didn't want to do that.

    I actually wasted my time worrying about this person, wondering if they had actually taken their life or if they were still in pain. I often thought about this poor nurse, who's life was troubled & hoped that even though 'she' was ready to die, 'she' hadn't actually gone through with it.
    I'm just glad he was caught but feel absolutely terrible for the families of his victims.

    I will try & get some other meds. It's funny i've been on meds for 15 years now and always ended up going back to prozac- but it often seems to wear off, if that makes sense? I often have to have a break in between or have other meds inbetween. I hope i can find something with little or no side effects because i have had terrible experiences with changing meds before. Touch wood my doctor can help :smile:

    I'm glad my post made sense to someone- I didn't mean to offend anyone but it seems i did- unless i am being particularly sensitive today :unsure:
     
  14. NoMoneyToPlease

    NoMoneyToPlease Banned Member

    Lulupop.

    Your post is very vague,oddly vague in the particular.And you specifically describe major events that may or may not seem to be connected upon reading.

    I would ask you to accept my support instead of changing the circumstances on which you need advice for.

    I am not snapping,I am trying to find out if you want to talk about William Melchert-Dinkel,your friend or your revealing to your counselor of your wish to renew a suicide plan.

    William Melchert-Dinkel is a brainwasher,a man with the blood of others on his hands.
    Forgive me for trying to find out if this man has affected you,because there may be other silent victims of Melchert-Dinkel reading your post and looking for someone with a connection to themselves.

    In the future I will only address ONE event in your postings.
    That way there will be no confusion and you will not feel as though you are under attack. :)

    Yay! :stars:

    Are we friends?
     
  15. Dave_N

    Dave_N Banned Member

    I watched a documentary about this guy. Apparently, he pretends to be a suicidal girl and encourages people all around the world to commit suicide as a suicide pact. He does this from the safety of his home computer by visiting websites that suicidal people might be visiting. He is a horrible human being for doing this in my opinion. He must be a psychopath for taking joy in seeing other people kill themselves. I hope he's in jail now.
     
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