confused

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by StarryNightSky, Dec 31, 2010.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. StarryNightSky

    StarryNightSky Well-Known Member

    This is it :sad: any day now it'll happen and it'll be too much. Don't want to try fighting it. Going to get everything ready. Think I have a song picked out, it's from something in past. Kind of weird choice, but it's calm and beautiful, and brings warm thoughts for me. Want it to be the last thing I hear.

    Calming thinking about it, I just want it so much, don't want to fight it. Wish I could do it right now. So many things in life I can't have, this is the one thing I can have.

    But I'm scared, and part of me wants those things I can't have, wants to try. It wants help desperately, thinks maybe if I can get past this there's hope. It's too much for me, I'm torn apart it's confusing.

    Feel horrible for posting this.
     
  2. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    listen to that part of you that wants to live. reach out for some help. are you seeing a counsellor? let them know you are feeling worse. maybe they can adjust your meds or give you some extra supports (community nurse, extra appointments)... you don't have to fight this alone. don't give up.
     
  3. StarryNightSky

    StarryNightSky Well-Known Member

    No not seeing counselor, too much anxiety and no money. Wish I could.

    Trying to listen to the part that wants to try, but it's tearing me apart inside thinking about it because other part knows it's hopeless.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 31, 2010
  4. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    maybe you could see some one with a sliding scale. that's what i do. or someone on here once recommended seeing someone through the local university psychiatry or psychology department. they got free counselling that way. i think they saw a supervised student. either way it would be great to have someone to talk to.

    in the meantime you have us. keep posting. don't give in to those thoughts that are telling you to hurt yourself.
     
  5. DMOS

    DMOS Member

    Please don't hurt yourself. If there is even one person in the world that you care about or who cares about you, that would be a life devastated by your loss. Get help anywhere you can find it, and know that we're always here for you. I know it's hard, but this pain isn't permanent, death is.
     
  6. John

    John New Member

    Hey Bluebird, can you talk to your GP? They will be able to put you in touch with any free counselling organisations in your area. They may also be able to give you something to help with the anxiety. I hope you have an understanding GP if not ask to see someone else, my previous one was shit to be honest but got another and he's very good, a no nonsense let's get on and get it sorted kind of guy. Good luck and like Dazzle said try and listen to that part of you that doesn't want to leave yet.
     
  7. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Bluebird please lots of people here want to support you and do care for you Call your GP okay and get some connections to help you
     
  8. StarryNightSky

    StarryNightSky Well-Known Member

    There's no hope there's no more time, I'm going to end it within the next ten days, please ban me.

    I'm sorry for wasting everyone's time, I shouldn't have come here.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 2, 2011
  9. ~Young-Violet~

    ~Young-Violet~ Banned Member

    Hey BlueBird,

    Sorry to hear you were feeling so low, how are you know? I can understand these feelings can be very daunting, they must be hard to cope with. Please hold on. We all care about you and nobody would ban you. We are only trying to help please take the advice and don't hurt yourself, maybe call a crisis line or call someone who can support you, or maybe go in to chat aand talk to others members about how you feel, it may help for now take care :hug: :cheekkiss:
     
  10. StarryNightSky

    StarryNightSky Well-Known Member

    Thank you really but please don't try helping me, I'm not worth it and can't get through it anymore.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 2, 2011
  11. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Bluebird you are confused you are suffering your thoughts are consumed by pain and sadness You want this to leave no you. Please no you are not worthless you deserve care and compassion Please get some therapy for you get your GP to order you some medication YOu do not need to stay in this pain and suffering With the right meds the right therapy you can get well you can get feeling stronger Please know that Hugs I will not give up on you okay i won't
     
  12. StarryNightSky

    StarryNightSky Well-Known Member

    I can't, I tried but I can't.
     
  13. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    YOu CAN bluebird one step pick up the phone and call
    crisis
    doctor
    someone and them yu need help
    YOU CAN just do it okay best thing you will ever do.
     
  14. Fitzy

    Fitzy Well-Known Member

    You aren't wasting anyone's time and I'm really glad that you came here. Are you able to tell us what has made things so bad?
     
  15. StarryNightSky

    StarryNightSky Well-Known Member

    Something is about to happen, but I'm scared and don't know how to get through it. Knew about for months now, I tried to be ready for it but I'm not. The anxiety and stress waiting for it is too much with everything else. Sorry it's too embarrassing to say more.
     
  16. Fitzy

    Fitzy Well-Known Member

    What is your timescale for this event? Can you do any last minute preparation? I always put things off until the last minute! I know you said it's too embarrassing but I'm pretty shock proof and you can pm me if you want to discuss some more.
    Breathe slow and deep.
     
  17. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    bluebird what is going to happen Please talk to us Go to hospital where you will be safe okay go there and get some help now for you Let us know okay how you are doing Please bluebird i care deeply about you and i want you to be safe please PM me or anyone and just talk okay let us help you
     
  18. StarryNightSky

    StarryNightSky Well-Known Member

    It's sort of like, idk, like a confrontation. Been trying to be calm and relaxed for it, but it scares me.

    Parents aren't helping either.

    five days left.
     
  19. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    A confrontation with who If you are scared to have this then have someone with you a friend a coucillor a teacher someone who understands. The confrontation if it is frightening you then cancel it okay until someone can be there to support you. A health provider someone.
     
  20. StarryNightSky

    StarryNightSky Well-Known Member

    Have no one to help. Have to do it because of my parents.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 2, 2011
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.