confused...

[Bruz]

I have good friends, a job ( although be it in a factory :P ), decent GCSE's, a loving mother and a father with a short fuse and bad temper ( although i guess he still loves me ) (they are also split up but that doesnt bother me in the slightest) , hoping to go live in Sweden soon to see what its like and stuff...

so its not like my life is particularly bad or anything... but there is an emmense gaping emptiness in me, sometimes i just feel so depressed and consider suicide... I've never mentioned it to any1 appart from on these boards.

From my limited experience I've found that I am really happy when getting to know a girl - not like i just want a fuck type of thing :P like i want to care for her and make her happy and stuff, making some1 else happy makes me more happy kind of thing. But like since my 1st and only love i've tried to make efforts with girls i have liked, but they never liked me back or anything like that which made me feel so alone and depressed.

But i don't understand why it makes me feel so bad? other people get on fine being single, how can not being with some1 make me feel so depressed to the point of killing myself - does my situation sound similar to any1 else or am i just wierd in some way?

I know you're all going to say oh you'll find the girl of your dreams someday or something like that but life isn't always like a fairy tale, and even if i do how long will i have to wait and keep going through this thoroughly demoralising and confidence crushing feeling, what if i have already killed myself by then?

 

[Insignificant]

dude just a personal opinion but part of what you are feeling with no lady in your life is lonliness. it can be a hard one to deal with. it seems like it is so easy for some to handle while for others it really takes it's toll. i was married for ten years and have been divorced now for four. i don't want another relationship right now (well sometimes i do). i give myself permission for it to just be me for now. there is nothing wrong with it at least in my eyes. someday that day may come that i would actually meet that someone special but then again maybe i won't whatever. the lonliness is hard sometimes even to the extreme that i want to die, but i have to try to remember it is ok to be alone and i'm not a psychic. i don't know what the future holds for me as far as if there will ever be someone but i guess for my childrens sake if not my own i should probably give it a chance. things will work out and u will find someone special and i am sure you are lonely but don't settle for just anyone. you are worth what you are looking for remember that. anyways, i am super exhausted right now so i hope that at least something here made sense. i believe things will be ok. i'm gonna tell you what i tell my kids....just be patient and remember that special someone is looking for you,

 

[claycad]

You say helping other people makes you happy...then why not volunteer at something. Be a big brother, join habitat for humanity, volunteer to read to little kids at your local library, idk, I'm sure there is lots of stuff you could do to volunteer and do some good in this world.

Not that it will feel the void of wanting to be in love. I guess the only thing I can do is to give you the cliche advice of "oh you'll find the girl of your dreams someday" Of course don't assume she'll find you, don't give up on dating. If you don't go out with a million wrong girls you'll never find the right one. Dating is a process of elimination. Date all the wrong girls until you eliminate them

Also, don't look past the fact it could be clincially depression. Maybe it is, maybe it isn't, but if the thoughts of suicide continue I would get diagnosed by a doctor or therapist. Sometimes the chemicals in our brains are just fucked up, and meds can help. I know it isn't easy to admit to a doctor that you have thoughts of suicide, but they are use to it, it isn't all that uncommon and it can help.

 

[Kinetic]

I know exactly how you feeling
Like others said keep dating and there will be one day when you will find someone who makes you really happy and you wont feel empty anymore.

We must accept finite disappointment, but never lose infinite hope :smile:

 

[Bruz]

thanks for the feedback guys, I spoke to probably my longest and closest friend about it and i guess getting it off my chest made me feel a little better.. keeping busy also seems to deter the suicidal feelings - hits me worst when i am at on my own.

I did like the idea of going to 3rd world countries to help there, but after moderate research all i found was that i needed to pay to go ( if i won the lottery then i would ) or have a useful skill or trade, like a nurse, paramedic, or builder, electrican stuff like that so i guess it put it on the back burner for me... hadn't really considered help so close to home but i'll look something into it

I've had the thoughs on and off for about 2 years, at 1st they weren't bad but they have worsened considerably during that time - Where do i go about seeking medical advice? I don't even know who my GP is lol.. I don't want to talk to my family/friends about it as i'd rather fewer people know about it as possible as dont want it to be gossipped about.