Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Blueberry16, Mar 7, 2012.

  1. Blueberry16

    Blueberry16 Member

    Im angry at myself. Everyday i go through a rollercoaster of emotions. At the end of the day i just want it to end. I know i have a social anxeity problem. Ive had it since i was younger. I went to look for someone to help diagnose me.. i cant afford it... It makes me depressed and i cant help but think that if i have to live with it.... Maybe i dont want to live at all... than i hate who i am. Not just who i am, but what i look like. I hate my husband, hes a disapointment to me. Everything goes on my shoulders, all the responsibilities. The bills. The cleaning. The cooking. Watching the little one. Go to work and come home. Hit start again. Than i forget about it, but it always comes back the next day. I feel like im all over the place and my head wants to explode.
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Your General doctor can help you hun can diagnose you as well and get you on some medication to help those mood swings I am sorry your husband does not see you are overwhelmed with life really. Talk to him hun get him to see you need some support if you can ok hugs
  3. KimKim

    KimKim Well-Known Member

    you are not alone with this feeling.
    even without social anxiety disorder; I know what you feel like. At night, when you realize that exist but don't know what for, you feel so damn alone and helpless as if you can never get out of this cycle.
    but you already sad it: your responsibilitys give you a reason to go on. Think of your little ones...they love you, they need you! they would never leave you alone.
    and if your jobs are not the only thing you want to live for - which youd be understandable ^.< - set yourself a goal. just do something. it helped me to get out of a very deep hole when i told my dad i wanted him to teach me motorcycling. i've allways been afrait of it but i overcame my fears. whatching yourself making progress at something builds up a lot of selfconfidence and motivated you!
    best wishes =*
  4. Blueberry16

    Blueberry16 Member

    Thank you. I keep telling myself tomorrow's a new day.... I've been trying to build up the strength to see someone. Maybe sometime soon. I worried about how id pay for any type of visit at this point. I already owe the hospital money for medical billss. I would talk to my husband but I keep thinking he's to stupid to understand and how would I even begin to explain it to him. Last time I cut my wrists I couldn't even take a bath alone. So irritating. But that's been 2 years. Kimkim I used to have a hobby. I used to paint and I was really good at it. I just seem to have lost the enthusiasm to do anything. Thank you for talking to me, I was really miserable early this morning.