Firstly I apologise, I have hever used this forum or ever searched for subjects relating to this matter. It has all happened so fast, a week ago I was a normal person enjoying university to the full. I have always suffered from minor depression it got me held back at A-levels, and I have always been trying to find different answers to why I felt this way, but I know I was just trying to avoid the truth. I can't explain it, I've read a lot of posts here and I feel like I have a similar connection to many of the users here. I always feel self-aware, paranoid and confused about every day that passes. Since counseling I have learnt to control my emotions and have been living what I thought to be a normal life. I recently acquired a girlfriend and she turned my world into focus, everytime I speak to her I feel compelled to swim among the riches of life. She could make a bad day feel like god had divinely intervened and produced for me an incredible day. I cheated on her and instantly felt compeltely ashamed and alone again. I told her straight away and knew I couldn't be redeemed but I thought that the slightest chance could fall my way and I could be with the woman I thought to spend the rest of my life with. She truely is my soul-mate. It took every ounce of my energy not to head for the medicine cabinet as I came home, my sister had once attempted suicide to be saved my doctors minutes before death after 24 paracetamols had passed through her system. Due to me coming home late that night it was the only reason that the paramedics had been called, as noone else knew she was in that state, passed out on the dining room floor. Although I myself feel like I am a complete idiot for posting on a suicide forum over a girlfriend, I know this has been building up inside me for a while. I have always thought about easy ways out and ending this painful life, but never actually came as close as I did last night. Without her I have nothing to live for, and am sure I would rather have eternal peace than the slow painful effect that is described as "life". Please help me, I feel alone.