Thoughts of people who would be left behind, things that used to anchor me, are almost meaningless. Only almost. In reality of course I'm blocking them out. Can't think about them too hard. If I let myself think about other people, those who might be affected by my choice, I feel more sad - to sad to bear. Bizarre. Not sure I'm fully able to rationalise this. I'm not fully conscious of those things, which appears on the face of it to make me less safe - no... Dammit, what are they called? Now I'm distracted. What are they called? Protective factors. That's it. With no protective factors, how can I keep safe? But - thinking about them, that makes me so sad. And the more sad I get, the closer to unsafe I get. Ergo, thinking of my supposed protective factors is dangerous. And avoiding thinking about those factors is safer...?