I am stupid. I'm having serious suicidal thoughts for the first time, and its very confusing. I feel stupid. I self harm regularly (cutting) in places that no one can see, and even just that makes me feel SO SO stupid and immature. My mum tried to commit suicide when I was younger, and that was hard for us all to deal with after. So I'd make sure I did it right. I think I'll spend the next few weeks planning and getting everything in order before deciding whether to do it or not. I've been having counselling and just started on SSRI's. I understand that these drugs can make you worse before you feel better, but I just don't see the way I feel getting better n the future. Suicide is the only control I have over anything. Even saying the word is making me feel immature and stupid somehow, I don't know. I feel even stupider because there's nothing that wrong with my life I guess. I was sexually attacked in a club just over a year ago by a colleague, and I've had a bit of a hard time when I was growing up with family problems and my mums mental health, but nothing that no one else has overcome, which just makes me feel weak. I truly truly think that if I went no one would notice much. All my motivation to do anything with my life has just gone.