confusion and pain

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by swimmergirl, Jul 27, 2007.

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  1. swimmergirl

    swimmergirl Well-Known Member

    I know I need help, but I can't seem to reach out for it. I don't want to die, but I am afraid to tell anyone that it is all I think about. I think i need to be in the hospital, but at the same time I am embarrassed about needing that. I don't know who to turn to, I feel so alone and helpless and in so much pain. I just keep cutting myself trying to make myself feel better, but it is not working.

    I feel so alone.
     
  2. animebling

    animebling Well-Known Member

    Whoa, your post summarize exactly how I feel better then I could put it and sadly I don't have an answer for you. For years I've been in that state and it just doesn't seem to get better.

    But hell the best you can do is try and stick it out and hope it changes or you can change it.
     
  3. crisis4Life

    crisis4Life Member

    Hey, you really do sum up exactly how I am feeling as well... all I think about is dying, and I'm so scared to tell that to people... I'm so scared of being put away forever, and losing everything if I let myself be how I am feeling...

    however, like you also told me, things do not just get better on their own. If you have the chance to reach out, take it, and here is a good beginning. Have you seen a counselor or a psychiatrist? maybe they could help.

    If you need to talk, i'm open for talking, I myself am confused about needing a hospital
     
  4. swimmergirl

    swimmergirl Well-Known Member

    I am glad to hear I am not the only one who feels this way. It is killing me because I have everyone in my life fooled, it appears that I am doing so well. But on the inside I am a mess. I have a shrink, who I am also afraid to reach out to, and a therapist, but what can they do for me? I just feel like there is nothing anyone can do to make this better, but I am screwed because I do not have the ability to make it better either. I just feel fucked and embarrassed about being so depressed and fucked up.
     
  5. crisis4Life

    crisis4Life Member

    please don't feel embarrassed? you are not fucked up. Given time, you will find the help that you need.

    For the longest time I have thought (and still think) that therapists can not do anything for me, what can they tell me that I have not heard elsewhere? and this is one of my main problems. Regardless of my opinion, I need to start believing that they can make a difference. I think they can make a difference as long as you believe they can.

    Maybe reaching out and being honest with them will help. If we are not completely honest, how can they know how to help properly?

    Hang in there, you have to ability to get better! don't lose hope
     
  6. swimmergirl

    swimmergirl Well-Known Member

    I know I need to reach out to one of them, and the longer this pain grows inside of me the more I realize that I need to do this, but it feels like the hardest thing to do right now. I feel weak for feeling this way, and I know it is not rational, but I feel like I am letting everyone down whenever I get depressed like this. I am not sure why i care so much about what everyone else thinks, but I do.

    I have not given up hope, I know I will not give in and kill myself, that much I know. But that does not make it any easier to cope with the thoughts and feelings of wanting to end my life and knowing that I won't because I don't want to hurt my family and friends. I just feel trapped in this hell. Eventually I hope I find the help I need, and will not be ashamed of my depression, but right now it is hard to admit to my feelings without feeling like a failure of sorts.
     
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