confusion of a gf/ex who cant show feelings? i dunno... read n see...

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Iorek89, Feb 6, 2009.

  1. Iorek89

    Iorek89 Member

    right... im 19 ...
    shes 17 soon

    she claims to be going threw a hard time, but ive just lost 2 family members had plenlty of uni tests driving tests within the same 2 / 3 weeks and her hard time is 2 simple things to do about her life

    Were Currently on a "break"

    she would never tell me her problems, and she would never tell me the truth shes cheated on me before and wanted a break so this time i believe she cheated on me again because she lied claiming to meet mates then went a met someone who lives 70ish miles away...

    i know it may sound silly but if were going out at the time, shouldnt she of told me the truth?

    anyway ... i wanted to get answers from her like neone would...
    i wanted to know:

    Why did she lie
    What was wrong in her life
    Why did she want a break
    How did she feel about me...

    she couldnt give me any decent reply other than not to ask her questions and get her more stressed out than she already is...

    to me i felt like she is treating the situation like she dont care about what happend to me in the last 2 /3 weeks with family dying and falling apart around me, not seeing my mother in 1 month...

    i feel like shes walking all over me treating me like crap

    but the annoying thing about this all is that i feel that i love her and i feel that she does still care, i told a little lie which is unlike me i told it to see her response and i used my sister to do so, this is because my sister can get answers from her i cant... which is wrong imo... she should be able to tell me...

    but i told my sister to tell her id been meeting a girl for the last two weeks,
    and true to my thoughts she text me saying "is it true ur meeting a girl"

    This i thought was a good time to get my thoughts and feelings across to her,
    i told her how i felt
    how i felt she treated me
    how i see everything thats happend
    i told it as blunt and as plain simple as it could be without being too harsh about it

    and again true to my thoughts on this she told me the next day not to do it cause it gets her stressed...
    to me it shows that she dont care...

    i still love her and want to be with her and its hard for me to move on and find others, ive only had 4 relationships
    this one being my 4th
    and in all these relationships ive had the girl cheat on me... im a decent guy
    i tell the truth
    im kind and caring
    i let them know how i feel
    and i just feel that i cant win a girl i feel that girls hate the decent guys and that decent guys will just be treated like shit and mud, something to step over or something to just walk all over...
    i admit in this one i may not have told her i loved her as much as i prob couldve but could you blame me with her cheating on me... and her constant lies after we got together again from the cheating issue...

    i think that the best option is to just ditch he overall but i dont know if i can do that...

    any suggestions /tips...

    Also im meeting her at some point... to see if i can cheer her up from the bitchy arrogant inconsiderate mood shes bene in so we can atleast try and have a friendship...
    also from the way things seem it seems like she wants to get into a relationship with the guy who lives miles away...
    it really wouldnt surprise me, but she defends him and defends that what she did about lying to meet him was for the best, even tho its cause all this contraversy between us
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 6, 2009
  2. Mikeintx

    Mikeintx Well-Known Member

    Dump her... you know what you have to do, you just dont want to do it. You don't need answers, she is toxic for you and if she is cheating you don't need to hear anymore about it. Just cut her out of your life, it will be tough at first but you will feel a lot better later and be able to move on to someone a lot better. If this is a constant issue of you getting walked on, I would suggest therapy to find out why this keep happening. Good luck :hug:
  3. crookxshanks

    crookxshanks Well-Known Member

    im going to try and help from different perspectives

    i know it may seem hard to accept at first but personally i do think that this relationship may have run its course. maybe your saying to yourself that you love her because your in denial of all the things that she has done to hurt you. the best relationships are the ones where you talk everything out together, are there for each other and generally make each other happy

    maybe you also need to ask yourself if the relationship did continue could any of the situations ever arise again in a future argument because if they arent settled between you both it could cause more hurt than the original problem that caused the argument. it sounds like shes very stubborn and isnt going to back down on a lot of things so please think this part through very carefully if you do still want to be with her

    maybe in time you both could be friends but i do think you need a break from each other just so you can deal with the situation at hand. just being around each other will spark a little bit of hope in you

    sorry if all of that sounded harsh but i do hope that it all works out for the best for you
  4. Iorek89

    Iorek89 Member

    some very valid points here something im gunna have to think about for sure...

    its not harsh ur just saying ur opinion and what im lookin for is a 3rd party view, if that makes sense... i want to see what others think of it and from the looks of things its what i thought and exactly how things are going on...

    if that makes sense....

    thank you =]

    any tips on how to deal with this situation to talk to her about it? should i get my feelings across to her and leave it at that or just leave her to it?
  5. crookxshanks

    crookxshanks Well-Known Member

    before you see her write all how you feel down just for yourself. dont hold back and you'll probably find that your being a hell of a lot more honest with yourself than you expected to be. and writing it all down will be a bit of a release for you as well. you might find theres things if there that you want to talk to her about

    if you feel like your going to bottle it when you talk to her or not be able to get your point across because you dont think she'll listen then write her a letter or an email because i do think that talking to her is a good idea as you'll need to at some stage

    i think you need to do things for you now. you've been through a lot and you've got through it which is the main thing. you need to work out now whether she is going to help or hinder you. try and be a bit selfish with yourself and do things for you. work out what YOU want and not what she wants
  6. Iorek89

    Iorek89 Member

    right gotcha....
    thanks =]
  7. flayflow

    flayflow Well-Known Member

    even though this is alot like my situation atm and i have a sneeky feeling it is no matter how much you deny it m still going to have my say as if it isn't you...

    is it not better to have her as a friend then not at all no matter what she has done?
    if you let her go and have her space and let her do whatever she wants with this guy, if it all goes wrong your able to be there to pick up the pieces no?

    just try and be there for her when she needs you and treat her like a never know...maybe it wasn't meant to be and you we're meant to be friends...dont rule everything out
  8. kenny

    kenny Well-Known Member

    The first thing that struck me when I read this thread is that you seem to be negating this girl's right to have any feelings, far less be confused that she "cant show feelings". In fact your use of the word "claims" rather suggests that you don't really believe her either

    You say that her problems are "two simple things" in her life. It seems like you're trying to say, because you've had a number of bad things happen (with which I do offer you my sympathy by the way) that she's not entitled to be struggling with things in her life.

    If you were "on a break" (whatever that means) when she went to meet this guy, then its not really anything to do with you what she did or whether she lied or not. if you were together then that's a different matter. at 16/17 perhaps she's not ready for the kind of relationship you are looking for. If she won't tell you what's wrong, that might be indicative of issues elsewhere.

    the fact that you say she's in a "bitchy arrogant inconsiderate mood" all the time suggests that you're not in love with her, rather the idea of the person you want her to be. it also sounds a bit like you want control.
  9. Iorek89

    Iorek89 Member

    if she was to go off with this guy itd hurt me to much to even want to see her
    as she might as well of cheated on me, thats how i feel on that
    but i dont understand why shed want to end it with me for another guy and do it without a reason or atleast with sitting down and talking to me about it
  10. Iorek89

    Iorek89 Member

    nothing of the sort...
    the things i call her is how i see it and how she comes across, to treat me,
    im fine with her to express herself in how she sees fit but all i wanted to do at the time is sit down with her and have a decent friendly conversation about it but instead i just recieved bitchy remarks or ignorance, which annoys me
    i never said to her she cant do this or that as im not controlling in that kinda way i just suggested things to her and she took it the wrong way
  11. flayflow

    flayflow Well-Known Member

    i just wanna add...that txt was blunt n to the point but was harsh!!
  12. Iorek89

    Iorek89 Member