First of all i love him with all my heart and soul. Even if he finally kills me this wont change. I have had sanctuary fitted in my home. My house is on alert with the police so any calls take priority. They drive past many times a day 2 check he's not here. He calls or texts all day every day. Sometimes he's gorgeous sometimes he 's abusive and threatening. I still want him 2 call tho. I no i shudn't let him in but i have 2, he needs me and i need him. He loves me and i love him. I cant turn my back on him. 2day i am seeing my domestic violence counsellor at womens aid. She is goin 2 be so disappointed i am seeing him still. I cant help it does no one understand this? I am scared 2 see her 2day. Yes he's abusive etc but he's also incredibly loving and supportive. I dont no what 2 do. The only solution i can see is for me not 2 be here anymore. I cant take anymore. There is on solution. I cant just ignore him he has no one else.