Confusion......

Discussion in 'Domestic Abuse' started by Leiaha, Dec 17, 2008.

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  1. Leiaha

    Leiaha Well-Known Member

    First of all i love him with all my heart and soul. Even if he finally kills me this wont change.
    I have had sanctuary fitted in my home. My house is on alert with the police so any calls take priority. They drive past many times a day 2 check he's not here.
    He calls or texts all day every day. Sometimes he's gorgeous sometimes he 's abusive and threatening. I still want him 2 call tho. I no i shudn't let him in but i have 2, he needs me and i need him. He loves me and i love him. I cant turn my back on him. :(
    2day i am seeing my domestic violence counsellor at womens aid. She is goin 2 be so disappointed i am seeing him still. I cant help it does no one understand this? I am scared 2 see her 2day.
    Yes he's abusive etc but he's also incredibly loving and supportive. I dont no what 2 do. :(
    The only solution i can see is for me not 2 be here anymore. I cant take anymore. There is on solution. I cant just ignore him he has no one else. :(
     
  2. Hazel

    Hazel SF & Antiquitie's Friend Staff Alumni

    It's incredibly hard to turn your back on a person you despite whatever he is doing to you. You say...
    This is what abusers do, they lull you into a false sense of security, they make you believe that everything will be alright, until the next time and there will always be a next time, that is the only thing you can be sure of.
    I'm sorry but he is abusive, full stop, the apparent loving and support are an act to keep you under his control, this is what it is all about .. control.
    You are the only person who can decide that he is out of your life, until then people can support you and try to keep you safe.
    Ending your life is not the answer, the answer is to accept all the support you get and when you are strong enough make the decision to keep him out of your life.
    Sorry if that sounds harsh but I do understand what you are going through and am here if you want to talk.

    Take care Hazel x
     
  3. Leiaha

    Leiaha Well-Known Member

    Seen my counsellor and like i said she's not 2 happy :(
     
  4. Hazel

    Hazel SF & Antiquitie's Friend Staff Alumni

    She's worried about you I guess...
     
  5. Leiaha

    Leiaha Well-Known Member

    How do u kick ur own flesh and blood out of ur life?
    I dont no if he is vulnerable or if its all an act 4 sympathy. I have 2 err on the side of caution and presume he is. I wud never 4give myself if somethin happened 2 him. I no i sound pathetic but as long as i am around he wont help himself. I want him 2 succeed i feel like i'm stopping him do that.
    Hazel, what u said is true about a partner but this is my SON! my child!
    He is not a bad person, he needs help and he cant get it from anywhere while i am alive. Just being practical.
    Dont we all love our children no matter what they do?
    Please, dont anyone judge me for it :(
     
  6. Hazel

    Hazel SF & Antiquitie's Friend Staff Alumni

    It's your son, what age is he? My son is 21, I have had problems with abusive behaviour from him also. He is seeing a counsellor now and this seems to be helping.
    He only saw the counsellor because I had reached my limit, it was a case of get help or get out.
    What do you mean when you say...
    We love our children but we don't always like them!
     
  7. Leiaha

    Leiaha Well-Known Member

    They always refer him bak 2 me. Despite the fact my CPN told them i cant do anymore.
    No one else will have anything 2 do with him except me. He is 19 this week. I have already thrown him outta my house, he now lives in an assisted housing hostel 4 young people. Its the most depressing place i have ever been 2.
    I hate the thought of him being there and want 2 bring him home.
    I no i'm not responsible 4 the way he is but, i cant help but wonder sometimes. :(
     
  8. Leiaha

    Leiaha Well-Known Member

    Sorry 4 ranting on, just all got 2 much today
     
  9. Hazel

    Hazel SF & Antiquitie's Friend Staff Alumni

    You are not ranting on at all, it's easy to think we are the only people going through this kind of thing, I'm glad you posted as I rarely speak about it.
     
  10. Leiaha

    Leiaha Well-Known Member

    I dont think i'm the only one, i know i'm not. Sorry if it came across that way.
    I have decided i'm not going 2 post here again or start any new posts anywhere. I dont think anyone here gives a damn about me.
    I'll continue 2 offer support 2 others tho, :).
    Thanks for replying hazel but it doesnt matter anymore. Maybe i'm not ready or i say things wrong or something, i dont know. Thanks :hug:
    Leiaha x
     
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