I'm so confused. I had a session with my psychologist yesterday. I made an effort to look good because I fully intended it to be our last session. I have the means, I have the place and I have the date. When I went in to see him I was almost at peace because my decision had been made. Then he threw a spanner into the works. Up to now he has been trying to persuade me that I should live for myself, that I have a right to live, that I have a right to happiness, and since I don't believe any of that he made not a single dent in my resolve to die. Now he has changed his method. He says that if I die now then all that I have suffered will have been for nothing. That I would be able to work with abused children, because I have been there and I know how they feel. That I could work with adults who have been abused. That I can't defeat my abuser by succeeding in life if I'm dead. If I try to help others by using my experience, I know that I will do nothing but harm. Everything I've ever tried to accomplish has turned round and become ashes in my hand, and now I'm so emotionally unstable that the idea of working with others is ludicrous. If only I could show him what I truly am. The twisted, damaged, ugly, hateful person that I see looking back at me from the mirror. If I could he would see that my decision is the right one. I just want the pain to stop. I was so sure yesterday, but now there is just the tiniest doubt - and I don't want it. I want to die. I need to die. Well, tomorrow was my chosen date, so I guess I'll have to try and resolve the confusion, so that I can die in peace. Thank you for listening.