Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Jess, Nov 8, 2006.

  1. Jess

    Jess Guest

    Sorry for ranting so much lately.. I opened this forum to make another one.. and saw all my other older ones.. sorry

    I hate school. Enough said. But everythings getting fucked up. I have papers piling up, BAD grades.. my report card just came for the first semester.. and thankfully I intercepted it before it reached the hands of my father. Good new- I got all A's.. ACCEPT (bad news) chemistry.. which I only managed a C :sad:.. uhhg.. and I try SO hard in that class.. all the other classes.. geez, I can sleep through world history and I STILL manage an A. I haven't paid attention a day in that class. or opened the text book.. I'm ASSUMING it's still in my locker... and trig.. well it's math.. you either get it or you don't.. and thankfully I do.. accept for right triangle trig.. but I mean, I'm SOO gonna need that in life.. I can see myself just sitting in my car wondering how far I am from that sign over there because I would so know what the angle of depression blah blah blah.. so I could calculate the distance of the side because I know law of sines and cosines... and spanish.. well.. I might as well live in spain.. I've taken spanish since I was in 6th grade so I think 5 years later I'm ok....

    Boys... boys suck. One boy jealous of another boy because I talked to him? and he gets mad at me for that?? it's my fault for talking to someone who talked to me first? am I supposed to just walk away and be rude because YOU think you own me? you think you're the only boy that will ever be in my life? you haven't talked to me in a while.. you CAN pick up the phone.. I love you but... I'm sorry. What do you want me to do?

    DAD!!! @#!$#%$ if you could only read this.... I love you but back the f***k off. I KNOW I need to work on my driving.. I KNOW I need a liscense and I cant rely on you for rides.. why do you think I always walk to work? I know I need more hours at work to pay for a damn car. you want me to play basketball though.. I can't do everything! you want me to work more so I get more money.. but you tell me and nag me about getting sundays off so I can make the indoor softball games... then you taunt me about how I'll get fired because of basketball.. yet I need a car so I need money.. I say I'll quit bball.. then you bitch at me because you say I'm 16 and there's always time to work later on but you only get a chance to play highschool sports once.. WHAT THE FUCK!?!??

    "Do what you want to do, in the end it's really up to you" "but I really would love to see you play, it would mean so much to me" :cry: I can't make up my mind when you play the guilt card and everythign all at once.....

    Then I have my aunt.. who told me I could trust her to talk to her about what's going on. and I have to a point.. but she's threatening me with forcing me into the hospital because SHE doesn't TRUST me.. ME.. I have a hard enough time trusting anyone.. and I took the chance to trust her and she pulls this?!? ahhhgh.. I dont know who I can trust

    I just want someone to talk to, not just words on a screen.. I mean, a voice. a face.. a real hug.. not one that's going to make things suck more by threatening me.. I just want someone to talk to :cry: I have no friends that I could trust with any of this.. most 16 year olds aren't too open to hearing about things regarding suicide, depression or any of that.. all they care about is the party this weekend and who did who....

  2. Abacus21

    Abacus21 Staff Alumni

    :hug: Jess :)

    I'm your friend, and am always willing to talk with you :) :hug:

    Take care hun

  3. Jess

    Jess Guest

    Thanks joe :unsure:

    I guess what frustrates me most about this whole "talking" thing is that NO MATTER how much I want to.. regardless of the NEED to.. I just can't. I'm quiet. That's not how I am.. that's WHO I am. I've ALWAYS been quiet.. I've always been shy. I say the bare minimum of what's required without being overly rude... I try.. but I just get uncomfortable.. I guess I've gotten better with the occasional chat on skype.. but.. I dunno

    thanks though joe, much appreciated :hug:
  4. kyle

    kyle Member

    I know how ya feel about talkin to someone, you're right most 16 year olds aren't open to it, trust me, college isn't any more open about this stuff. I to am shy and quiet, I used to be so bad i wouldn't even respond when talked to, but i've gotten a lot better, so i know where you are comin from, but i will say one thing from experience, you only do play high school sports once, those were the best days of my life, i'd give anything to go back and play.