Alright, so I've been cutting for 6 years, since I was 18. I use to cut to have control over my life, I had been working full time, going to college full time, and taking care of my mother and sister. My mother has chronic obstructive pulmonary disease, and my sister has schizophrenia. I had felt like I had no control over anything, it was like I was on a track that I just had to keep following, like I couldn't change anything. So I quickly learned I could control how much I bleed and how much it hurt. Recently things have changed though. I went 3 months without cutting, but in the beginning of July I relapsed. I have been feeling highly suicidal over the last week, but when I cut, it seems to go away for a while. Every night before I go to sleep I feel like I MUST cut, or I won't be able to sleep, I will lay there awake for hours just thinking about ways to kill myself. It bothers me in the daytime also, but I resist the urge by staying around my family and trying to keep busy. I know I can't sit here cutting every time I have this feeling of wanting to kill myself, but it's the only thing that is helping me now. Does anyone have experience with this type of thing? I've read alot about self injury but I just can't seem to find anything that matches with what has been happening to me now.