Connection between suicide and cutting

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by Tavi6233, Aug 10, 2010.

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  1. Tavi6233

    Tavi6233 Member

    Alright, so I've been cutting for 6 years, since I was 18. I use to cut to have control over my life, I had been working full time, going to college full time, and taking care of my mother and sister. My mother has chronic obstructive pulmonary disease, and my sister has schizophrenia. I had felt like I had no control over anything, it was like I was on a track that I just had to keep following, like I couldn't change anything. So I quickly learned I could control how much I bleed and how much it hurt.

    Recently things have changed though. I went 3 months without cutting, but in the beginning of July I relapsed. I have been feeling highly suicidal over the last week, but when I cut, it seems to go away for a while. Every night before I go to sleep I feel like I MUST cut, or I won't be able to sleep, I will lay there awake for hours just thinking about ways to kill myself.

    It bothers me in the daytime also, but I resist the urge by staying around my family and trying to keep busy. I know I can't sit here cutting every time I have this feeling of wanting to kill myself, but it's the only thing that is helping me now.

    Does anyone have experience with this type of thing? I've read alot about self injury but I just can't seem to find anything that matches with what has been happening to me now.
     
  2. Madam Mim

    Madam Mim Well-Known Member

    I cut when I'm feeling particularly suicidal, as cutting seems to take me away from the world for a while. I can't think about anything else at that time, so if effectively removes all my emotions and problems and stress, etc.

    When I am cutting regularly, I feel like I have to do it just to get to sleep, or often to get up and face the day. Currently, I am avoiding this by making sure that I am exhausted when I go to bed so that I physically don't have the strength or energy to cut, or by staying over at my boyfriend's.

    You are not alone. It is good that you are trying to fight this, as I am certain you'll regret it once you're covered in scars. Stay around people as much as you can, and maybe try my idea of getting too tired to cut.

    Mim
     
  3. GA_lost

    GA_lost Well-Known Member

    I have also used self injury(SI) to keep the suicidal urges down. SI is a essentially a bad coping mechanism. When you stop the SI, suicidal urges can intensify. Try to find a different way of releasing the feelings and also try distractions. Good Luck
     
  4. Dave_N

    Dave_N Banned Member

    How exactly does cutting help keep the suicidal urges down? Does inflicting physical pain help release psychological pain? Please try to resist the urge to cut. :hug:
     
  5. GA_lost

    GA_lost Well-Known Member

    Self injury and suicide for me are connected in three ways. One is the release of negative emotions, self punishment, and the act itself can be a suicidal gesture thus releasing the suicidal feelings. DO NOT use this for controlling suicidal urges; it is counter productive.
     
  6. Madam Mim

    Madam Mim Well-Known Member

    Dave, I feel that if I can cause myself more physical pain than the emotion pain, it turns the focus onto the physical pain, if only temporarily. The problem with this is that increasing amounts of physical pain are required to achieve the same effect.

    As others have said, this is not an effective coping mechanism, and it causes more problems than it solves. The problem is that it doesn't feel like that at the time, and seems to be the best idea in the world.

    I haven't cut for a while now, mainly because I couldn't cause sufficient physical pain. I now hate my scars and regret cutting, even though I fight the urges to harm myself every day. I have a strange idea that burning myself will cause the level of pain I need, but I am resisting this with all my will-power because I know I'll regret it.

    Mim
     
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