I know I must be irrational again, but I'm thinking about suicide just because I think my neighbor was mad at me for no reason. I wish that I can be successful in killing myself without the guilt or fear that I will upset God and end up in Hell. I wish for mercy and be pardoned if I do commit suicide. I just can't do it right with all my attempts in the past. I wish I wasn't even alive anymore. If there was a quick, painless way to go, I would do it in a heartbeat and I probably won't even think about the consequences. I'm struggling right now and very depressed.