So i kind of attempted suicide last wednesday, and didn't tell anyone until that friday. I ended up going to the hospital for 6 days. I missed my exams, missed playing for our church's christmas performances, and I have messed up relationships with my friends. One of my friends is scared that I will try to kill myself at her house with the kids around. I would NEVER, EVER do that. But it hurts that she would think that. I suppose she's lost trust in me, and I have to gain that back by showing myself to be a different person. I just want to hang out with her like we used to. But things won't go back to the way it was, at least not for a while. I have to give her time. And this sucks. Like, really sucks. I've never dealt with repercussions like this. It's different, because now it has affected my friends. I DID THAT. I AM RESPONSIBLE. I think I feel guilty about it. I never meant to hurt my friends, never meant for anything like this to happen. I was just tired of fighting the depression all the time. This is what happens when I attempt after doing so well for almost 3 years. I'm sorry. I feel awful. I don't know how to handle all this.