Considering M2F transition...

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by ~Jaded~, Jun 21, 2011.

  1. ~Jaded~

    ~Jaded~ Active Member

    I am technically male, but I don't relate to that gende. I feel much more like a woman, and always have done, although the feeling has been far stronger over the last 2 years as I have testosterone deficiency. I have cross dressed from a young age, but I always tried to push it down and ignore it, trying to pretend it wasn't there. However I finally told my partner about the cross dressing 4 weeks ago, she was fine with it and now I spend alot of my time dressed as a woman, and using my new name.

    I want to transition by having HRT and then live as a women full time. But I don't know if I would have SRS or not - is that normal? I'm just worried that they would mess it up and I would lose sensation. I also know that losing my penis would greatly affect my relationship, but can I really be a woman if I don't have surgery? Is not having SRS but still doing everything else, something that other people do? I'm okay with keeping it, so long as I do everything else, and me being okay with it is all that should matter, right? After all I can always have it removed at a later date. Do other people keep them but still identify as women?

    My partner has been very supportive but I only told her that I wanted HRT 3 days ago (I've known I want it for about 2 months), and she is still adjusting to the idea, I'm not sure if she will ever be okay with it. She's fine with me cross dressing (See actually seems to really like it - and our love making is better than ever) but seems scared about me having HRT. She says shes fine with the idea of me being a women, which makes sense as she's bisexual and I have always been very feminine anyway. But what worried her is other people, she's aware that a lot of other people wouldn't accept it and that it would make life very different for both of us; I know that her parents would never speak to her again (they're very old fashioned) and I think shes scared of the idea of people staring at us and/or discriminating against us, either because they could tell I was trans, or because they think we are lesbians. I understand her fears, but they mostly seems to be based on other peoples prejudices rather than her own opinion, and that just doesn't seem fair.

    I really want to see a gender therapist and get some help, I've only been seriously considering this for 2 months, and I know that I need to talk to someone and take a lot of time so I can work out if this is the best thing for me. Much as I'd love to start HRT tomorrow if I could, I know that I need to take it slow and make sure that this really is what I want. Can a gender therapist help me at this stage, or should I only try to contact them when I actually want to begin HRT? I'm terrified of going to my GP to ask for a referral (The doctors where I live are awful - Every time I have to go for a refill on my anti depressants it's almost like going for an interrogation) and don't know how long I would have to wait to see someone. I know that funding has to be secured from the PCT in order for me to have HRT, but would I need to wait for funding just to see a gender therapist? If so, how long dose it normally take?

    Sorry to ask so many questions, but I'm right at the start of this process and I am very confused. I hope there is someone out there who can help me with any of this, as I really need answers. Thank you to everyone who bothers to read this even if you can't help. *hugs*
  2. Datura

    Datura Well-Known Member

    Then that could be part of the reason behind your feelings, if not the ENTIRE reasons for these feelings. Are you doing anything about this deficiency?

    Yes - see Chaz Bono. (F2M)

    You seem more confused than serious to me, so yes, go talk with someone. You have to prove to professionals that this is an inherent part of your being, and that will take years, if not a decade+ before someone gives you the go ahead.
  3. ~Jaded~

    ~Jaded~ Active Member

    No I'm not. I can't even be 100% sure that I have testosterone deficiency, but it's highly lightly. I experience hot flushes on an almost daily basis, and have cold sweats every night, I have problems with the "effectiveness" of my "parts", and I also have a very low sex drive. All of points towards testosterone deficiency, especially the hot flushes and the cold sweats. It could be something else, but I think given my past opiate abuse (Not heroine just codeine, dhyhyrocodeine and morphine) it's very lightly that it low testosterone deficiency, as long term codeine users commonly suffer from this, and I was a very heavy user about 2 and a half years ago.

    If I did have testosterone deficiency I would never want to fix it, even if I didn't transition, in fact I'd like to go on testosterone blockers either way, just to ensure it's as low as it possibly can be. I have never been participial manly, I have always been overtly feminine, and I am completely happy with that side of myself, all my friends have always been girls and I've never been able to relate to men, I would want to have my testosterone issues fixed, because that would feel like HRT (I guess I kinda of would be) in the wrong direction. Right now I am sort of in the middle, and I either want to stay in the middle, or become a woman, I would never want to become a man.

    I think there probably is some truth in that, I only really accepted this 2 months ago, and only told my partner a few days ago, so I am very confused at the moment, I just want to take my time and be sure that I'm doing the right thing for me. I would say that I'm around 90% sure that I want this, and that remaining 10% comes from worrying about how my partner would deal with it, and from the fact that I can't know how it will feel until I've began the process.

    My worry's about my partner are massive, she has helped my through so much, and has saved my life on more than one occasion, and I don't want to lose her. I don't think that I can be happy without HRT, but I know that I can't be happy without her. That makes things hard because I'm trying to figure out if I really do want this, but she's still trying to come to terms with it: She says she wants to be okay with it, but she's not sure if she can be, and I'm not sure if I could do it without her support, life just wouldn't be worth living without her.

    How would I go about seeing someone? I really don't want to go through my GP, can I self refer? Or could I ask my psychiatrist to refer me? And how long would it take untill I could see them, I'm guessing there are waiting lists, and I don't know how long I can wait without talking to someone. I keep considering just buying the hormones myself and guessing the does, which I know is stupid and very dangerous, but it keeps going round and round it my head. I need to talk to someone before I try to do it on my own, work out if it's really whats best for me, and then start. It feels like this is moving to slowly (which I guess it is, cos currently It's not really moving at all) and at the same time maybe it's going to quickly. Things are very confusing right now :unsure:

    Thanks for your words, this is the first talking I've done with anyone (Except my partner) about this, and it's helpful to talk *hugs*
  4. Datura

    Datura Well-Known Member

    The opinions of your girlfriend should be the least of your concerns because this is not a sure thing. It would be best to get in to therapy FIRST, discuss your issues and feelings there, get some insight from someone who's hopefully helpful, THEN make a decision. And a decision will not happen quickly. She could always join you for a therapy session. It's understandable to want to be prepared, but in this case, cross that bridge when you get there.

    Your hormones will be measured, and if there is a testosterone deficiency (among other things), it will be addressed before going through HRT. It would be beneficial to get tested regardless, because something is clearly going on medically.

    Yeah you should probably get the referral from your psychiatrist. You'd have to ask when scheduling an appointment how long the wait is.

    Taking your time is really the best thing to do, so stop entertaining the idea of wanting to self medicate.

    This has been a short two months even though it may not feel short. As previously mentioned, the transgendered have to wait years and years to undergo such a process. You really need to slow down. If they can be patient, so can you.

    Good luck.