Considering suicide.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by JamesWho, Oct 9, 2006.

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  1. JamesWho

    JamesWho New Member

    Ive been having very serious thoughts about suicide recently.. so much so that Ive raided my drug cupboard and checked out on the net which would be the best to use..

    Im 17, and am under so much stress, pressure and depression atm. I go to college, where I sit alone in all of my lessons. I get lunch.. on my own. I sit on the bus.. on my own. And while im there I look around and theres not a single person like me, they've all got there friends, even if its just 1 or 2. But im completely alone.

    My sister was killed in a car crash not long ago, my family hasnt been the same since. She was the opposite of me, she had so many friends. But me and her were close, and shed be the person I would talk to right now if she was still alive. She was my only true friend.

    Yesterday I went to visit my entire family, and it was a nightmare. Majority of them ignored me, my uncle insulted me and by the end of the evening wanted to beat the crap out of me. My cousins wont speak to me, and my Grandpa, whos birthday it was, wouldnt even shake my hand. Why? God knows.. maybe its been too long since ive seen them, maybe they wish it was me whod died and not my sister (Which funnily enough, im wishing for too right now).

    Im supposed to be applying for university about now, and thats all my parents care about. They dont care about me, they see me crying or see that ive not eaten in days, they dont say a word. But when it comes to uni, they're pressuring me into becoming an accountant, something which I dont want to do. Im not the sort of person who can work in an office.. its just not me.

    If I look into the future, all Im seeing is more lonely-ness, more days spent on my own. No family, no friends, no wife, no kids. Im not a bad person, Ive never done a single, spiteful thing in my life. Im smart, I try to keep myself well groomed, but still no one wants to speak to me..

    So I think im gonna take the easy route out of it.. Ive got the drugs infront of me now.. no one is home. It should be like passing out, except I wont wake up.
  2. claycad

    claycad Well-Known Member

    It sounds like you are going through a tough time right now. I can kind of relate to how your family is. I'm 24 now, and when I was 17 I felt the same way. I thought my family didn't really care about me and all that. I finally realized that it is me keeping myself distant from my family, not them distancing themselves from me. I don't know if that is how it is for you, but it took me years to realize that was the way it was for me. Remember your family just lost your sister, and when people are in morning over the death of a loved one, they can be different and maybe not realize how they are treating their loved ones who are alive. I'm sure you wanting to kill yourself is mostly is just because of the sadness that you lost your sister. You have to give it time.

    It sounds like your parents do care about you though. They want you to go to university so that you can have a successful career and hopefully be happy. If they didn't care and love you, they wouldn't care if you wanted to waste your life and not go to university. You should talk to them and explain that you don't want to be an accountant though. Look into other majors and pick one that more suits you and what you want to do, I'm sure they will understand.

    I can relate to not having any friends either. I'm 24, and I have not one friend at the moment. I have never had any close friends or a girlfriend. I have just now started getting help for social anxiety. I've been going to therapy for about 2 months, and am about to start on medication for both social anxiety and depression. I'm not going to lie and say the therapy has been easy or worked well so far, but I am trying to remain hopeful that the therapy and meds will help me overcome the problems I have had all my life. I wish I would have tried to get help with these problems when I was 17. So my advice to you is talk to anyone you can. See a therapist or counselor...even your parents if you have to. But get help for your depression and social anxiety now.

    It sounds to me like you are on the verge of suicide. I was feeling the same way when I finally decided to seek out a therapist. I decided since I was about to kill myself anyway, I really have nothing to lose my trying to get help for myself. You should think about that, please.

    i hope you do seek help, and it works for you.
  3. total_edge

    total_edge Guest

    i can totally relate with you , my parents "made" me cos my father
    wanted someone to torture everyday. and my mom to have a "great"
    son for the classic commercial : "look at my great son , his in univ, he
    was the best in highschool, a great mind/body ", i really know how it
    feels, they never cared about me either, i was really sick and they never
    gave a s* for me, but still , remember one thing , ITS YOUR LIFE, YOU
    have the choices, its in your hand to change it, the suicide thoughts
    will not leave u so easily they will bother u for time but u can change your
    life....wanna make some friends , have u tried go to a gym or to
    kick-boxing team group or to dance-classes [the last one is for meeting
    women mainly]? try one of those and dont tell me u dont have time, cos
    im sure u can find some!
    As for your relatives , let them live their own world, maybe it was a bad time
    and they werent so good to talk in general, and even if it wasnt that....
    well, let them do whatever they want , dont let them affect your feelings
    at any way cos its pointless.
    When u ll make your 2 first friends , u ll see that it doesnt matter really
    how they act.

    ps:sorry for been so "cruel" about parents but parents who dont give
    some attension to children that are having a bad time DONT worth
    nothing in this life :mad:

    hope you are better by now, and if u need any help about making friends
    ask me anytime , i ll be glad to help to something i ve been through :smile:
  4. claycad

    claycad Well-Known Member

    ...if only making friends were really that easy for everyone.

    Sometimes not having friends isn't a matter of not having time to make them. I have no friends, and have nothing but free time on my hands. I could think of a million things to do and places to go to make friends and have tried. I have interests that I'm sure would allow me to meet other people; but social anxiety prevents me from doing those things socially. As much as I hate being alone, I hate the anxiety I feel when in social situations or talking to people. As for meeting women...probably never gonna happen for me.

    I don't know what your situation is James. If it is just because you don't have time to get out and make friends, then by all means, make some time and take totals suggestions and do things to meet people. But if you don't have friends because of anxiety reasons, therapy and medications can help you with that.
  5. life

    life Well-Known Member

    Jameswho ur problem is lile descıbıng me....İ am goıng to unıvercıty have no frıends...ı feel lonely depressed sıck of Life....if u want to we speak are probless by msn
  6. there's many reasons to not kill yourself:
    -if you do, you'll just get reborn again [unfortunetly this is actually true, and proven], in fact, this human life you have right now is extremely precious & rare.
    -you can change your way of thinking & become happy. as strange as might sound, the basic problem is NOT that other ppl don't like you & that your alone all the time, instead its only your own mind creating attachment to such things. if you can just change your mind all that suffering goes away. your mind is creating this identity of a "lonely person", which feels very solid, convincing & real, then you grasp and attach to it.
    -after you succeed in gaining control & awareness of your own mind you can look forward to many years of joy & happiness [while being completely & utterly alone!]
  7. TheBLA

    TheBLA The biggest loser alive.

    I am 19, in second year of college and also haven't made a single friend, I'm very much a loner but still get depressed at everyone freaking else having friends, so I can relate. I haven't had friends for several years now and I also get depressed thinking I will never marry, etc. :sad:

    The only thing I know is that we have to make an effort to become social, its all up to us, nobody will come out of the blue to be our friend, I know its much easier said than done since I just can't find the courage to make a friend, since I feel inferior to everyone as well.
  8. claycad

    claycad Well-Known Member

    Okay, I must know, when and how has this been proven?
  9. JamesWho

    JamesWho New Member

    Thanks for the replies,

    I guess what I didnt say was that before the accident with my sister, I was no where near as lonely as I am now. I had a couple of friends, but more importantly, I was happy with my life and the way it was going. I felt set with what I wanted to do and how I wanted to grow up. But that kinda threw everything out.. now I feel like Im seperate from everyone else, like my life isnt connected with anyone elses, like I dont make a difference.

    I guess I've developed "Social anxiety" as you have Clay.. although Ive never had it diagnosed properly or anything. I get uncomfortable when people try talking to me, and want nothing more then to get out of it. I never used to be like that, its just popped up out of nowhere. I do stuff outside of college and work too, I go to the gym and I like to go running whenever I can. Exercise and fitness are my main hobbies, but they arent the best way to meet people :sad:

    I've got another sister, who ran away from home when she was 19 due to money problems.. I was about 9 at the time I guess. She was a great friend, and I would love to get in contact with her, but my parents wont give me the address. Im trying desperately right now to get a number, address or e-mail for her.. its proving difficult.
  10. LetItGo

    LetItGo Staff Alumni

    If what you say its true, it sounds like you need to get out of that environment. My advice - Apply to university, but put down differant course...of course make sure you research other things that might appeal to you. Here in Australia students put down 1 to 5. Dont know if that exists where you are, but if it does research all the options and put them down.

    University for me was probably a couple of the better years in my life, you might find that when you get there, its easier to make friends with other people. People at Uni are generally more mature..the stuff that goes down at high school, simply doesnt fly at Uni or College.

    Work a part time job if you can...enough to get some spending money to go out with.

    Thats my advice..some big steps there but it could really help to break this trap your in atm.
  11. claycad

    claycad Well-Known Member

    I can't sympathize with how you feel about losing your sister. I have been very fortunate in the sense that I have yet to lose a close family member. I can't even imagine the pain that must cause you. I do know however, that the grief caused my losing a loved one, commonly causes suicidal thoughts. Although your grief may never completely heal, with time it will get better and you will feel better.

    Also remember that about your family. You say that your social anxiety just popped up, so it sounds like another side affect of you grief. Remember that you aren't the only one that lost your sister, your entire family lost her too. Maybe your families grief is causing them to be more cut off, and that is why you are feeling more rejected by them. It isn't you they are rejecting, it is their grief causing it. It's ironic how grief can put people at more of a distance from each other, when this is the time you and your family should become closest with each other. You should try to be more open with your family and get them to be more open with you. You and your family need each other in this time of grief.

    Again, while your grief may never completely heal, it will get better with time. Maybe if your social anxiety is caused by your grief, then that will get better with time also.

    Try to meet some new people. I'm not much into the going to the gym thing, but maybe next time you are there and weight lifting or something, you could volunteer to spot for someone, or have someone spot for you and that would be a good opportunity to strike up a conversation with them. There are several time I bet you could find like that to have a conversation with someone if you just look for them around you.

    I hope you start feeling better soon.
  12. JamesWho

    JamesWho New Member

    It was a horrific loss, so sudden. For the first month at least I just wasnt with reality. I felt like Id wake up the next day and it would go away.. silly I know. Im still not entirely with it now, find it hard to concentrate or to get motivated.

    Im going to try reaching out more, I never think about it normally because I know Ill just get uncomfortable and wish I hadnt.

    I've not felt suicidal since I posted the message, but I know that its going to come back. Its done it before and it gets worse each time, Im worried I might go through with it next time..
  13. Insignificant

    Insignificant Account Closed

    hey james

    i thought i would drop a quick line here to say i know how it feels to lose a sister suddenly like that. when i was 13 my sister was killed being hit by a pick up truck. she was just 11. i would encourage u to try to give yourself a break. a sudden loss does throw u back a ways but it is possible to move forward again. it just takes that dreaded word..time. when my sister died my parents forgot all about me, so much so they sent me to new orleans during her funeral and it wasn't for six yrs later through the assistance of one of their friends they realized this. children are expected to outlive the parents it's not meant to be the other way around, but unfortunately it happens. it's a big loss for everyone, but i remember how hard it was on my parents. it got better through the years but sadly enough that is probably what it is going to take (if they are anything like my parents). i would encourage you to be patient and try not to take it all personally. they are in shock right now just like u. maybe when the time seems right u could sit down with them and let them know that you miss your sister too. they are not alone just like you are not. things like this can make families grow closer or further apart. i hope you can take this opportunity to try to grow closer. because honestly if it goes the other way i don't know that u can get that back, and sometimes we have to fight for what we believe in. u can do this guy. just take some time and grieve. write your sis a letter and let her know honestly how you feel about her being gone. it begins to help promote some healing. anyways, please don't give up. things can get better they are just going to take some time, that's all. i hope for the very best for u and i have faith that things will eventually turn around for u after all u deserve it.
  14. Bruz

    Bruz Member

    i think thats the most contradictory sentence i have heard all day :p

    and 1 of the reason's y i don't believe life is some great and wonderous gift...
  15. Gary

    Gary New Member

    Hi Clayclad

    I'm also interested to know the same...........

    Hope we get a reply :unsure:

    love 'n peace

    manic moon flea-g
  16. InnerStrength

    InnerStrength Well-Known Member

    Someone by the name of Dr. Ian Stevenson conducted thorough(sp?) research of reincarnation and wrote a book on the subject. There have also been numerous other cases supporting this concept. I suppose it does not prove reincarnation, but it forces me to consider the idea, rather than simply shrugging it off because it's labelled as "supernatural"
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