Ive been having very serious thoughts about suicide recently.. so much so that Ive raided my drug cupboard and checked out on the net which would be the best to use.. Im 17, and am under so much stress, pressure and depression atm. I go to college, where I sit alone in all of my lessons. I get lunch.. on my own. I sit on the bus.. on my own. And while im there I look around and theres not a single person like me, they've all got there friends, even if its just 1 or 2. But im completely alone. My sister was killed in a car crash not long ago, my family hasnt been the same since. She was the opposite of me, she had so many friends. But me and her were close, and shed be the person I would talk to right now if she was still alive. She was my only true friend. Yesterday I went to visit my entire family, and it was a nightmare. Majority of them ignored me, my uncle insulted me and by the end of the evening wanted to beat the crap out of me. My cousins wont speak to me, and my Grandpa, whos birthday it was, wouldnt even shake my hand. Why? God knows.. maybe its been too long since ive seen them, maybe they wish it was me whod died and not my sister (Which funnily enough, im wishing for too right now). Im supposed to be applying for university about now, and thats all my parents care about. They dont care about me, they see me crying or see that ive not eaten in days, they dont say a word. But when it comes to uni, they're pressuring me into becoming an accountant, something which I dont want to do. Im not the sort of person who can work in an office.. its just not me. If I look into the future, all Im seeing is more lonely-ness, more days spent on my own. No family, no friends, no wife, no kids. Im not a bad person, Ive never done a single, spiteful thing in my life. Im smart, I try to keep myself well groomed, but still no one wants to speak to me.. So I think im gonna take the easy route out of it.. Ive got the drugs infront of me now.. no one is home. It should be like passing out, except I wont wake up.