Considering self harming, in a semi controlled manner just to easy my stress level and tension. I can't believe how bad they've got lately. Worst in 4 years. Never thought I'd go back here but maybe I'll feel a bit better afterwards. I'm sitting here trying to justify it, that is always a bad sign, and also the strange calm that I feel when I think about it. That use to come beforehand, like a sense that it would all be ok and that there is no stopping it. Maybe not controlled that much then who knows. Staying in chat for as long as I can because I can't sleep again, I'll see how it goes, never sure what may happen when I'm like them. Sorry to anyone else, and remember it's always my choice and no one elses.