Haven't had really suicidal thoughts in a long while. It's not an immediate crisis, but I'm aware that the thoughts are back, and that's indicative enough of how my overall mental state is. I'm going downhill - again - and I'm just not sure whether the fight is still worth fighting. I still have a very severe eating disorder (relapses repeatedly, too) and my mood swings etc are all over the shop, I'm relatively uncompliant on medication because I detest that I was born wrong and will never be better, and I'm not sure any of this is worth it. I'm staying for my partner, mostly, but that's something of a strain on both of us. So yeah. There's that.