I try not to think about it, but the hurt that has been a part of my life never seems to fully go away. five years ago I got rejected and it still hurtsd and I don't fully understand why it does. I have been over eight months sober, but the pain from that and other things is still there. I used to drink to numb the pain because i didn't have the will to take my life. But i choose to stay sober, yet the pain is too much sometimes and I am not happy with life. I don't think i will ever be happy or fully heal from the heartache. Sorry for being all over the place with this.