constant pain

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Krafty, Apr 13, 2014.

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  1. Krafty

    Krafty New Member

    On October 10th I was fired from best job I ever had. I was a nurse in a neurology clinic. I failed to document a phone call, and bam- I was given my walking papers at 5pm that day. I went home and tried to overdose on a bunch of pills, but it didn't work. Basically, I ended up in a psych ward for a week with new meds to try. Since then my life is a void. I live with my 8 year old son, the only life line I have, and my EX husband. I'd be homeless without his generosity. I have applied for other jobs and end up with rejection after rejection. I have no savings and what's worse- I'm in debt. I see no way out of this. I had another suicide attempt about a week ago, but it failed. Ended up in the psych ward again. This time last year I was on top of the world- I had a great career, a new start in life with my own place, everything was great. The comparison between then and now is stark. I feel nothing but endless despair. NOTHING. Going to bed at night is my only release. Being awake is the nightmare. I go to a therapist and a psychiatrist, but they don't help. I've always felt I was different, not meant for this world. Now that feeling is stronger than ever. The only thing keeping me here is that I don't want hurt my son. Yet the pain, the torment is UNBEARABLE. I'm not sure how much longer I can hold on. I don't eat, hardly leave my couch, personal hygeine is an afterthought, my house is a wreck. I don't know what to do. I see NO way out of this. Everyday brings more bad news... another rejection letter, another bill to pay. I feel like I failed at life and it's time to check out. I'm so tired. I'm starting to believe my son would be better of without me. I imagine my funeral constantly. I know people will be hurt, but they will move on. My life has boiled down to a cautionary tale. I just want to die.
  2. mark b

    mark b Well-Known Member


    Sorry to read of your sitution. Being here will help with advice and support.

    Not sure of your location, but a couple of the things you mention can be helped, i feel.

    The not eating, i can understand lack of appetite, but if it is lack of food due to finance, there will be foodbanks who will provide essentials through churches, im sure. For your child, even if you dont want to eat at moment. Also the hygine issues do need to be put right, as you have noticed yourself. There will be homeless centres to provide fresh clothes and toiletries if you ask. Thats if you really are at the stage of needing their help.

    Your ex is supporting, thats good of him. But does he know how you are truly feeling? Can you confude in him or another close friend or family?

    Im not sure why you are getting so much negativity from employers, unless the current treatment is holding you back. Im sure that once this is through, you will be in much demand as your skills are so needeed.

    Keep posting please.
  3. AAA3330

    AAA3330 Well-Known Member

    I can relate with much of what you said. My mind is a wreck and I feel tormented constantly by it. Outside of trying to get help, I just don't know what the answer is. I feel for you because feeling tormented mentally can be so terrible. I no longer keep my house up either or my personal hygene the way that I should. I wish you luck and hope that your condition improves.
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