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Constant Thoughts

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by weordmyndum, Sep 28, 2010.

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  1. weordmyndum

    weordmyndum Member

    In the past 2 years, I've lost 5 friends to suicide. After that terrible pain, I realized that's something I couldn't bear to do to the people who care about me.

    But the thoughts won't stop.

    Mostly it's the combination of intense, unrelenting self-hate, PTSD symptoms, and utter anhedonia. I'm in treatment, I have a whole team of people trying to help, but nothing works--and then I feel guilty for being needy and difficult.

    I keep thinking about how I could kill myself. I don't even want to think these thoughts--I feel so guilty for considering it, but I can't stop the thoughts.

    I wish my heart would just stop. My friend Kelsey died of anorexia--her heart just stopped in her sleep. I wish that would happen to me. Then I wouldn't have to kill myself--I'd just die, guiltless.

    I can't kill myself, but I can't manage living, either. What do I do?
  2. Borrowed time*

    Borrowed time* Well-Known Member

    Have you told them its not working? Maybe there are other options, distraction methods.
    Im sorry im not much help
  3. CheapEscape

    CheapEscape Active Member

    Don't feel guilty. Talk to someone, anyone, especially a doctor or a psychologist who can tell you exactly what to do to get well. Confide in a good friend who really cares about you. After having 5 friends die by suicide, it's natural to think similar thoughts, but you don't want to die. You want to be well and joyful again. Talk to someone, please.
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