Constitute emotional abuse ?

Discussion in 'Domestic Abuse' started by Daydreams, Oct 19, 2009.

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  1. Daydreams

    Daydreams Well-Known Member

    I am just curious if this constitutes abuse as I've no idea what to make of the whole ordeal (for lack of a better word) and am wondering if anyone else has had similar issues develope at home or with a combined household.

    So my dad dated this women for what must have been 9 years before moving in with her. I'd grown up with her and her kids around since I was like five and my brother was 7. We all got along in small doses and had holidays together ect. After her son finally left home my father and her started to discuss moving in together (because she had a three bedroom house she owned and my father was renting a place for him and I); I had no objections as he seemed happy with her and it was the logical thing in my mind to do... I think I was 16 at the time.

    Before my father and I both moved in I practically moved in (it was a lot closer to school and the local hang out for teens), it was fantastic me and my 'step'-sister were practically allowed to do as we pleased and there were a few months where we didnt come home untill midnight, it was like a teenagers paradise.

    Eventually the final move was done, I was all set up (in the smallest room in the house) and slowly things started to fall apart, layer by layer. Suddenly there was a curfew, ok, fair enough I thought. Then we had to start doing chores, thats ok everyone should have to pitch in right? We were a family, family helps each other out.

    Then there were the contradicting rules. I wasn't allowed out unless I had done all my chores but it was ok for my step sister to go out because 'she'd do them later'. I wasn't allowed to have dinner unless I helped to cook it but my step sister was still allowed to.

    Eventually it got to the point where I was the one expected to do everything and my step sister got to go out and get trashed and do as she pleased. It got so bad that in my senior year of high school I just gave up, it was too stressfull having to deal with all the shit at that house and still try to keep my grades up. I was even expected to get a job simply because my step sister had one even though she wasn't even going to school by that point! I stopped eating because I didn't wanna go into the kitchen for fear of getting in trouble or been called fat (because thats what she often did, put me down every chance she got), I started having to buy my own food with the little money my father gave me because I didn't wanna touch any of the other food in the house.

    The whole time this went on my father never saw a problem! Now that I have moved out everything is different too, my step sister is still there doing as she pleases and NOT helping out around the house. I feel like crap every time I look back on it because I cannot understand why she hated me so much, I don't recall ever doing anything to incite the loathing she apparently had for me.

    My dad has told me numerous times Im welcome to come back to that house and that she'll apologise for what happened but some how he still thinks I should apologise for not helping the situation! I haven't forgiven her and I dont understand why I even should. There is also a part of me that doesn't understand why all those things happened and thinks that I did something to deserve it. Obviously I haven't let it go and I'd very much like to as it's affecting the relationship I have (had) with my father because I wont go near that women under any circumstances. Dunno... has anyone come out ok from such a situation or is it just wishfull thinking on my part that it can get better?
     
  2. Chargette

    Chargette Well-Known Member

    So many people have had this kind of thing happen to them. The story of Cinderella is a classic because this is something that many have and do face.

    My step daughter who lives with us, she is 20 now, has told me many times about a girl friend of her father who they use to live with. The girl friends daughter received preferential treatment.

    At one point, my daughter stayed here and my husband and I both encountered wanting to prefer our own child over the other. It takes effort and coordination between the parents to work it out.

    What you have encountered is abuse and neglect. You don't have to go back. It is going to hurt for awhile and this is the kind of thing that can be dealt with in therapy so it doesn't drag you down your whole life.

    Even though your step sister is getting away with stuff, she is going to suffer because of it in the future because she has not had to develop specific life skills to deal with adult life.

    Do you have a good place to live now?

    :hug:
     
  3. Daydreams

    Daydreams Well-Known Member

    No, I wouldn't call it a good place but its a roof over my head with running water and a warm place to sleep so I try not to complain.
     
  4. Chargette

    Chargette Well-Known Member

    What kind of living options can you set as a goal that would give you a better daily life?
     
  5. Daydreams

    Daydreams Well-Known Member

    at the moment preferably a place where I don't have to rely on anyone else to pay rent, sadly thats not an option cause at the moment I dont have a job and even if I did there would be no way I could afford a place on my own.
     
  6. Chargette

    Chargette Well-Known Member

    Perhaps looking for work, even part time is a first step toward getting the money you need to rent a room. It takes time to shop around for a good living environment to rent a room but it is worth it.

    I had to work part time for awhile because of my depression and my mom bought me a cheap travel trailer (I eventually paid her back) and I lived in an rv park for 6 years. It was simple, the space was mine, and I could manage to keep the rent and utilities paid, and I could feed myself simple foods. It was my space and I could heal.

    :hug:
     
  7. Daydreams

    Daydreams Well-Known Member

    mmmm, I know there is always a way around stuff like this but I'd rather not think about it at the moment.
    Thanks Chargette for the advise, I think I might consider talking to someone.
     
  8. Chargette

    Chargette Well-Known Member

    You don't have to think about it right now. :) I hope I haven't overwhelmed you.

    :hug:
     
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