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Consumed by an unhealthy obsession that's ruining my mental peace...:( :(

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Hey friends, this is gonna be a little long, but please read it through and answer me...I need help!!!!!

I have this professor at college. A little detail------ he's in his early 40's, and an obnoxious *******. On one hand, he's an academic genius, extremely knowledgeable on his subject. His style of teaching can keep people on the edge, even whilst discussing the most boring portions. He's, to put in in a sentence----ABSOLUTELY GREAT WITH HIS SUBJECT.

However, on the other hand, he's got a severe attitude problem. As in, he sometimes makes sweeping offensive, even downright heartless comments. For example, he believes that education should be the sole prerogative of Elites, or that Blind students don't deserve special favour. Etc etc...you get the idea. On one hand, he's very charismatic, and on the other, a downright "*******" who doesn't seem to realize how offensive he really is being to others. He tends to have unrealistically high expectations from students while writing an answer, and also grades his favourites higher than he normally would otherwise.

He also, albeit subtlely, tries to imply that he is the best teacher ever and all other teachers on the subject are inferior or less knowledgeable.

So, coming to my real area of concern:

It so happened that. we (all the students of our class) had presented a list of carefully-written complaints against him to the Dean...following which it was agreed that he won't be allowed to evaluate our final sem papers. At the same time, we'd brought in a host of other charges against him........owing to which there was an enquiry commission againt him. We were all happy, and relieved.

However, I gradually started to feel a sort of strange affinity towards him. Like, his behavior had always replleed me' but I now started to get CURIOUS about him. Like, I started pondering more on his behaviour and what could be the cause for them...could he be lonely because he had no children? Or maybe his harsh demeneour stemmed from the fact that being born and raised in a family of rich bureaucrats, and having studied in aristocratic institutions had never really taught him to be compassionate about people from less fortunate backgrounds? This curiosity and thoughts started to increase, to the point where I became almost fascinated with him. Like, I enjoyed talking about him with friends, or fantasized about him, sometimes even sexually. I wondered what it would be like to get to know him as a person; and started taking tips on how to impress professors. I couldn't define this feeling----on one hand, I found his overbearingly "agressive, macho" nature repellent, on the other hand, I had become sort of obsessed with him.

And now, when our next semester is about to start, I just learned that we don't have any classes with him this time. This is deeply frustrating me to the point of getting edgy. I spend hours looking him up on the internet, reading upbooks and journals by him from libraries even though I don't understand them, and always stop to sneak a peek at him whenever he's around. I'm even developing stalkerish tendencies too, I feel.

Yesterday I committed the biggest blunder of my life here......
It so happened that I was totally engrossed in thinking about him and decided to do something which I'm now feeling so ashamed of. I switched on the "call divert" mode in my cell, and diverted my calls to HIS number. Then, after a while, I switched it off. But soon afterwards, like after 30 minutes later, I got a call from a classmate of mine who's particularly close to him. He said that my professor had called him up to notify his utter displeasure over the fact that people were calling HIM up and asking for ME! He said that he also intended to take steps against me, which, after a little coaxing by my classmate, he's dropped. I feel like crap now!!!!!

I so wanted to be in his good books, build a cordial relationship with him. and now that's gone forever. No way I can face him again at College.
I feel terrible....and he'd also added to my friend that he, "never wanted to see or hear from ANYONE in our class ever again", due to the fact that we'd reported him. That made me feel even worse.

Since yesterday, I'm in a terrible mood, and feel a stone in my stomach. I also fear I may be slipping into depression if I don't address this soon enough.


Staff Alumni
Hi Anaida,

Welcome to SF! :hugtackles:

From reading this, I take it that he doesn't care about you, barely knows you, and was just one of your old professors who happened to be a jerk and insensitive to many others despite being scholarly and extremely intelligent.

It seems like you like/liked him and wanted to be more than friends? If so, the age difference is the first obstacle I can think of.

I wouldn't know what to do in your situation, but I just wanted to type what I gathered from your post. Your thoughts about him are very complex.

With hope that you will feel better soon,



Staff Alumni

If you're not comfortable talking in this thread and want to talk about anything in private, send me a PM. ;) Can you talk to any of your friends who may or may not know him about this? I understand that it would be a hard and awkward topic to talk about, so perhaps a counselor on the college campus could talk to you about this instead.


Staff Alumni
Hmm. It makes says if you want to apologize to your professor? If so, then maybe a face-to-face apology would be the most sincere. If you're afraid of breaking down in front of him, then maybe an e-mail would be acceptable as well. :hugtackles:

Best of luck!

P.S. I thought you meant you "were seeking someone to give you an apology." I misunderstood your post. ;)
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