What would you do if your mother (who knows about the abuse) wanted you to have regular contact with the person who abused you (her father)? What would you do if your mother was that desperate to have a half-decent relationship with her parents (that she never did have growing up) that she would risk upsetting you to achieve it? What would you do if your mother cried every time the subject was raised? Would you do it to keep your mother (who you have an excpetionally good relationship with) happy? Even though you know it would kill you to look at him, smell him, feel him watching you again? Even though you were plagued by dreams of you violently attacking him, you wouldn't be able to do this, only smile and pretend nothing's happened? Christmas is coming up soon. Every year we used to go to his house. This time last year I first came out about what happened to me. Despite this, my family all went to his house for their dinner, leaving me home all alone on Christmas day. I don't want a repeat of last year... :sad: Please give me your advice/thoughts?