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Contemplating Freedom

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Shad, May 11, 2008.

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  1. Shad

    Shad Active Member

    When is enough enough, Someone suggested that I apply for SSI. Why? No amount of money can compensate for the eternal hate one has for oneself.
    A monthly check or even a daily check isnt going to make you want to take another breath. My trip from the East Coast to Vancouver and back went horribly wrong. And as usual, its the ones I love that pay for my mistakes.
    I have some loose ends to tie up this week. After that I dont want to do it anymore. I came home. My stuff was packed and in my truck. Not that I care anyway. Being treated like shit for years takes a toll on the brain.
    I have cried for about a week straight. I cant take it anymore.
    You know when you look back at your life and the places youve been. The things youve done. The fun you had. And the memories...
    Who has the right to tell you that you cant quit. No its not the easy way out.
    There is nothing easy about it. Trying to find a way not to hurt the ones you love is hard. I just pray they will understand.
    I meet a elderly black woman in St. Louis. she look at me and said son God wants you to be a millionaire. And said talk to God. Very sweet woman she had me in tears in justa few minutes. I have talked to God for years and If there is a God he will know that Im good at heart and will be at peace soon.
    I dont fall for that going to hell stuff. I think your just at peace.
    I appreciate this site and its postings. Thank you.
  2. Shad

    Shad Active Member

    You know everyone says pick yourself up and go again, But how many times?
    How many times can you start over. At some point you lose hope. And the pain is unbearable. Oh God I cant take it.
  3. pit

    pit Well-Known Member

    I feel the same kind of pain. I step back and wait it out. Strength and hope to you.
  4. fromthatshow

    fromthatshow Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Interesting title. Contemplating freedom.
    You should think about why you posted that. You don't want death, you want freedom. Freedom doesn't have to equal death. Freedom can come before death.
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