contemplating suicide

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by The Depressed Puppy, Oct 21, 2013.

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  1. The Depressed Puppy

    The Depressed Puppy Well-Known Member

    Lately I've been contemplating suicide.... I have plan on how I would "do it".

    People say that it will get better, but its not. Nothing is getting better,& it seems that everything is going downhill. My family treats me like crap,especially my younger sister. She tells me she'd be happier if i wasn't here. She also complains about everything I do, & says I'm not it right.

    Because of my depression I'm doing well in school, I have little motivation to do anything school related, & my grades aren't good enough for college.

    I want to get into a good college, but so far my GP is not good,I'm afraid that I wouldn't be able to college, & need to live with my parents.

    Just last night I just woke up, & kept saying "i want to die",& I walked to cabinet & took the bottle of pills I was going to OD on,& i put it back because I was scared.
  2. flowers

    flowers Senior Member

    :( I am sorry the pain is this great, brokenbutterfly. I am relieved to hear that you put the pills back. I have heard of too many instances where people attempted and lived to tell how the attempt damaged them in some way. So then they not only had the emotional stuff to deal with, they also had the liver or brain damage. Mostly liver. I wouldn't want that for you or anyone.

    Have you ever talked with a school counselor about it? Maybe you have. But I wanted to ask. Some people call the people at sf their family. Because our own families do not treat us as well as the people here do. I feel much more heard, respected, honored and cared about for who I am, by the people here. My "family" really doesn't want to talk to me. They honestly don't. Yet I cannot imagine the guilt and pain they would suffer if I took my life. While they don't want to talk to me, I know they do not want to deal with burying me. they do not want to grieve over the loss of me. I think this may be true for many families who do not treat someone well.

    I hear you when you say nothing is getting better and it seems like everything is going downhill. I sincerely believe this is such a challenging time for people. Trying to climb out of the abyss of depression. And being pushed back down. Until people are too tired to climb anymore. I also feel that things will change for so many. I really do. Maybe not this year. But I feel they will. This is a very difficult time.

    For now would it be possible for you to talk with a school counselor? Please stay safe.
  3. the black raven

    the black raven Well-Known Member

    Hello TheBrokenButterfly, what flowers said is right, they might treat you bad, but a loss over a family member is not something anyone deserve. I'm sure they love you in a way. My brother said that he's better without me, but I know he will grieve over me if I die. We fought all the time, and now he left our house, but I know deep inside he care about me. They may not show it, or they don't know how, but no matter how bad they treat you, I'm sure they have some love towards you. I'm really sorry about your condition, it is possible to ask your parent to get you to meet a phys maybe, or a school councelor maybe a good idea too. We don't have those, so I don't really understand how it works, but it worth a try. You won't lose anything right?

    And well, yeah it's a hard time now for you to live, but things will get better, someday it will, maybe not now. I'm in a deep depression too right now, and tbh I'm unable to see the "light", but I keep fighting, because I want to be happy. I'm sure you want to be happy too. Don't give up. It may not get better soon, but someday it will. There will be a time when you feel happy. I'm 100% sure about it. No doubt that day will come, as long as you try to help yourself, to get better.

    Take care, and *hugs* to you.
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