I want to think that he didn't love me. I want to think it didn't happen. But for me this was like butterflys in the stomach, everything. There is a new hole in my heart. I sit and think how my heart is dying hypothetically, screwed up and stamped on yet again, also that im worrying myself to death about being jobless, and also what my friends would think of me if they knew i was suicidal. One of my mates sortof knows and shes like i can talk to her anytime. I dont want to stress her out or scare her. If the time comes i want to do it without her knowing. What do i do? Carry on in this life trying to sort stuff out. Try to better myself. I belive in hororscopes and stuff and apparently by september my life will be good all round. At the moment that seems like crap. Im trying to find a job at the moment, whilst trying to mend my broken heart, whilst trying to maintain my smile and a front that says 'im fine, im cheerful just like usual'. But every day that passes its getting so much harder.