I'm not getting what i want from life, and i really don't want to be around anymore. After being made redundant twice i moved miles and miles away from my man, family and friends to move back in with my parents who i dont get on with. I got a good job and settled into regular counselling. I understand the way i am and why i feel the way i do but i dont really know what to do anymore. I want to go home but i cant, i dont want to stay here as im miserable. I'm not going to get married and have children with the man i love because hes too busy with his job to have the time to speak to me let alone be together. I am so proud of him for working so hard but he rarely makes an effort any more, he will only text me if i have text and called - if i dont i dont hear from him all day. Then when we do speak we are both too tired to have any good conversation. We have been together for a very long time, and although we love each other we don't really have much of a relationship. I asked him about splitting up a few times, and he said he doesnt really want to 'have to deal with the heartache' If i lost him i would feel like part of me had died, he is my soul mate and my best friend and i would do anything for him. It killed me to leave everything behind last year but i didn't really have a choice. Now i want to go home but im stuck in this hell hole. I feel so deflated and hopeless at the moment. I handed my notice in at my job today and i haven't told him. I don't know what to do I don't really want to die but with no place to go and no real home what really is the point in being around? I only have a good relationship with my best friend who recently got married, and she is really busy - we do speak every day but not for very long. I have spoken to her about things and she asked me not to do anything drastic, and i dont think i will - but we all reach that stage where we have no self control and i am beginning to think of the most gutless but pain free way to either disappear or just die as i can't see how life can get any better when im fighting a loosing battle every day. As always Screaming in silence.