Contemplating

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Screaminginsilence, Oct 29, 2010.

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  1. Screaminginsilence

    Screaminginsilence Well-Known Member

    I'm not getting what i want from life, and i really don't want to be around anymore.

    After being made redundant twice i moved miles and miles away from my man, family and friends to move back in with my parents who i dont get on with.

    I got a good job and settled into regular counselling. I understand the way i am and why i feel the way i do but i dont really know what to do anymore.

    I want to go home but i cant, i dont want to stay here as im miserable. I'm not going to get married and have children with the man i love because hes too busy with his job to have the time to speak to me let alone be together.

    I am so proud of him for working so hard but he rarely makes an effort any more, he will only text me if i have text and called - if i dont i dont hear from him all day. Then when we do speak we are both too tired to have any good conversation. We have been together for a very long time, and although we love each other we don't really have much of a relationship. I asked him about splitting up a few times, and he said he doesnt really want to 'have to deal with the heartache'
    If i lost him i would feel like part of me had died, he is my soul mate and my best friend and i would do anything for him. It killed me to leave everything behind last year but i didn't really have a choice. Now i want to go home but im stuck in this hell hole.

    I feel so deflated and hopeless at the moment. I handed my notice in at my job today and i haven't told him. I don't know what to do

    I don't really want to die but with no place to go and no real home what really is the point in being around?
    I only have a good relationship with my best friend who recently got married, and she is really busy - we do speak every day but not for very long.

    I have spoken to her about things and she asked me not to do anything drastic, and i dont think i will - but we all reach that stage where we have no self control and i am beginning to think of the most gutless but pain free way to either disappear or just die as i can't see how life can get any better when im fighting a loosing battle every day.

    As always

    Screaming in silence.
     
  2. dartofabaris

    dartofabaris Well-Known Member

    Its rather apparent that you are suffering from a mid-life crisis like situation. Its great you recieve counselling advice; however as regarding the nature of your support system: it doesnt offer you much of an opportunity to release emotional stress, im sorry to hear that. Im quite certain though, since the man in your life really loves you and cannot be the same without you, he will really be willing to listen. You need to tell him that you too are a top priority and the fundamental element to a working-distant relationship is openness in communication. Is it possible for either of you to take a day or two off and talk things out. This is a crescendo like phase, the pain shall reach a boiling point, forcing you at some point to act drastically, but its temporary and can be averted.
    Pm me if you ever need a talk :hug:
     
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    we all reach that pain that deep darkness and that is when we get the help we need before it get to point of no return.
    maybe get some marriage councilling to help improve marriage life that too would help
    don't just give up not when you have someone that cares he just needs help to show you okay get some marriage councilling it will help
     
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