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Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Deep Thought, Feb 18, 2008.

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  1. Deep Thought

    Deep Thought Well-Known Member

    i'm not quite sure how 2 start this, so i'll just blurt it straight out:

    u kno wen ur really down and p***ed at urself, for reasons i dont wanna go into, and da only thought in ur head is 'i want this all 2 end!' And i come close 2 it, holdin da knife on my wrist, but i just cant do it. I spose i cant do it coz i dont wont my family, friends and even complete strangers thinking 'poor him', and pointin out da fact tht i cant cope! i've never seriously attempted suicide, but i do sometimes wish i was dead. i often hope 4 an illness or a car accident, i kno its bad 2 wish these things coz it happens 2 peps who dont want or deserve it, but i just cant stop myself.

    i'm tryin 2 deal with it myself but obviously it aint workin. but i cant tell any1, i've told 1 friend (my best friend) and now i hardly tlk 2 him, and he's afraid 2 raise the subject so now we drift past each other. i've tried counselling but i never tlk about these thoughts, or my self harm, i just ramble on bout stress with uni work.

    basically i want 2 kno other peps thoughts on this. and whether i'm alone in this sense :sad:
  2. wallflower

    wallflower Well-Known Member

    Maybe you could do something to get your mind off of it. Something that helps me most is listening to music and writing poetry. I have a therapist and I don't feel like I want to tell her when I feel down, all she wants to talk about is the good stuff. You need someone you can talk to, tell the bad stuff to.
    I hope you stay here and enjoy the things life has to offer because there is a lot to live for.
  3. SweetVitriol

    SweetVitriol Antiquitie's Friend

    First up, welcome to the forum..

    Secondly, you are not alone mate...There are plenty of us trying to deal with a multitude of problems, so always remember that...You are not alone...

    It's always difficult to open up to anyone, even a councillor or a psych, but I hope you find the forum useful for this.

    I always find the anonymity of this place to be helpful as no one ever sees the tears or the anger...

    Hope to hear from you.
  4. Deep Thought

    Deep Thought Well-Known Member

    Thanks 4 da advice wallflower and sweetVitriol. but i wen i listen 2 music i end up just using it 2 blank out da world and seclude myself in my head, i then dwell on the thoughts more. i've tried 'free writing' (i think its called that) where i just write my internal dialogue and its strange, and scary, wen i read it back after a couple of days. and even with da anonymity of forums i still feel like tht peps r judging me, i kno ur not but i feel like u r.
    so far the only thing i kno tht helps bury these thoughts is goin out 4 a drive, but wen i do i tend 2 drive v. fast (i drive at 100mph on country roads!).

    God i feel like an attention seeker writing this stuff. lol
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