Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by ...., Jan 25, 2009.

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  1. ....

    .... Guest

    I have been a member on this forum for over four years, and I have noticed that this forum is becoming less supportive. There are members insulting and/or ridiculing one another, and being sarcastic or mocking towards one another. Profanity is beginning to become widespread. During the first year of the infancy of this forum, the members on this forum were highly supportive, loving, compassionate, sensitive and beneficent toward one another. I have noticed that the forum is becoming less supportive, because I spend a considerable amount of time reading the threads and posts of this forum. It remains supportive but not as much as it had been years ago. I am actually shocked that offensive threads are still opened, and that objectionable language is generally not censored. The actions of the chat room is highly disagreeable, and the behavior of many of the "active members" of this forum is distasteful.

    I am really bewildered that some of these members are not placed "under moderation", or have only access to this forum, but not in the chat room of this forum. I am also perplexed that many of these "active members" are not banned. I know that if I would have engaged in some of those repugnant behaviors, I would automatically be placed "under moderation" or I would be banned from the forum or chat room. What was also shocking, is that, a while ago, some of these members were telling other members in the chat room to kill themselves. Even if they were joking, that was still not acceptable; this is supposed to be a support forum. Why would anyone even joke about telling another human being to kill himself or herself? I should not be expecting the members of this forum to be extremely supportive at all times, because no human being is perfect. I have respect for the moderators and administrators, but the lack of response from the moderators or chat moderators in the chat room of the repellent behavior of the members are disturbing.

    Some of the moderators just allow the bad behavior to continue without doing anything to prevent the unfavorable behavior. I am sometimes in the chat room when a moderator is or moderators are in it, hoping that the moderator or moderators will tell the members to stop the unpleasant demeanor, but my hopes are usually futile. If I ever meet someone by chance, and that person is suicidal and/or depressed, and is searching for aid to cope with his or her depression and/or suicidality , I would not recommend this forum to that person. Please, whatever one does, never attempt to deceive anyone who is a member of this forum that one is deceased, because not only is it despicable, it is morally indecent and sadistic; it has happened once on this forum of which I know, and I wish that it would never occur again. I know that being an administrator or a moderator is an exceedingly arduous task; therefore, I do not expect the behavior of the members of this forum to be impeccable.
  2. andyc68

    andyc68 Guest

    i have to agree with this thread, i myself have seen alot of bad language and aggression shown in chat once staff are not around and its doesn't give a good impression to new members looking for support.
    there is still a good basis of helpful and supportive members here but i sometimes wonder if nothing is said because there is an element of friendship present, yet i have seen a couple of members posting replies who are under moderation holding themselves above such antics.
  3. soliloquise

    soliloquise Well-Known Member

    i agree in some ways.. tho i don't mind the cussing myself. i DO mind however the trolls, the jokes about killing yourself and cutting off genitalia said to someone who wants to do that.. i very much mind the fact that there are people on here who have no suicidal or depression problems who troll and cause shit and do it in a fluffy way so many dont notice. most of the mods in chat are great but i have seen one cussing a lot and doing NOTHING about what was going on in there .. i ended up calling another mod in because i knew they would do their job/. i think on the whole the forum is supportive but i don't know what it was like b4.
    i am not sure what can be done about it. more mods in chat maybe? it can get out of hand and is also VERY cliquey which leaves new vunerable people out. i think its a hard job to mod a forum like this...
  4. Leiaha

    Leiaha Well-Known Member

    I totally agree with this post :mad: I know what it was like a few years ago and it was very supportive, friendly and welcoming. I maybe saw one or two posts back then where people said they didn't feel welcome or felt ignored. The difference then was that this problem was immediately rectified, everyone rallied round the person. Now these posts seem to be a regular, daily occurence :(

    During the last week I have witnessed two incidents of group bullying on this site. I wont go so far as to say that the 'victims' were whiter than white innocent but, at least one of these 'attacks' was vicious to say the least. Afterwards I found it incredulous to see one of these 'attackers' offering support on the forum while at the same exact time laughing in chat while continuing to ridicule this person in their absence!! I dont particularly care if this makes me sound 'soft' or oversensitive' but I'm still extremely upset by this incident. I came offline that night in tears. Yes i'm a coward because I didnt intervene, I feel terrible about that also :cry:

    I am often afraid to either post or if in chat, I dont speak much for fear of this venom being poured over me, I'm not the only one either. I do have friends here, good friends i like to think but some others I avoid like the plague :( I dont find this site in general very supportive anymore apart from my friends here. I can see a huge difference to how it was before. A certain group of people can get away with anything and others can get away with nothing at all. :mad:

    Lea xx
  5. andyc68

    andyc68 Guest

    sometimes chat can get so aggressive that it borders on abuse, something that doesn't fit in on a peer to peer support site.
  6. Leiaha

    Leiaha Well-Known Member

    Well, you wouldnt think so would you!
  7. some member

    some member Guest

    I kind of agree with this post.

    I have been part in group bullying someone, more than once even. However I do feel bad about it. Not that that makes it right or makes me less of an asshole..

    This site used to be a lot more supportive than it is these days, and also there seem to be a lot more shady things going on in here. Cliques have always been there, but it seems to be getting worse nowadays. However the cliques is something which will happen everywhere. once people get to know each other, they tend to grow closer to those they have more in common with than others. You'll find that anywhere, especially on websites where there is a chatroom available.

    Also I think part of the problem is that some members have a rather dark morbid sense of humour which unfortunately can be taken the wrong way by others. Maybe those people (I know I'm one of them) should be a bit more careful about who they make such jokes to. But then again I also think you can't expect someone to stop showing their sense of humour completely, as that's basically asking them to hide part of their personality, which in my opinion is about the last thing one should be asked for on a website that's supposed to be a safe haven where you can be yourself.

    But then again, i don't think everyone can truly be themselves on this site anymore, and it's not exactly a safe haven anymore once you get close to other members.

    However there are many good things about htis site too. For example, I find the chat room to be a very well working distraction when I'm feeling low, and I find the Let it all out section to be rather convenient when I have stuff going on over where I live which I can't talk to people about. Problem is, there are friendships and bonds between people on this site and often when there's a fight going on between members it's being broadcasted on this forum. it's why these days i just rant to real life friends about things in regards to this forum, and to people from here about things in regards to real life issues. :dunno:

    I know I'm leaving the forums cos I often feel sick by certain posts, and I know I am not a saint on that area too, so I'm just gonna leave the forum. Maybe in the future I'll pop in chat sometimes, but I reckon it's best for me if I just leave this place entirely.

    Problem is that it's so addictive for some reason. I've spoken to several members who've left or tried to leave, but all of them keep coming back every now and then and none of them can put the finger on the reason why exactly. :unsure:
  8. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    It wasn't so long ago that I had a thread almost the same as this one. And I also tried my best to get imput from ALL members (not just those that frequent chat and feel "accepted" ( for lack of a better word) there as a way for mods and admin to maybe get some better understanding of what needs to change in chat. But alas, on deaf ears it fell. Well not completely deaf I was told to f**k off by a few members because I was just trying to cause trouble and that my ideas and myself are like dinosaurs and not needed here at SF. So I really understand where you are coming from and how you feel.

    But things will never change here until some stronger rules are put in place and enforced by mods and admin alike. And no I'm not trashing those people. They do a terrific job for what they can. But the members have to start following the rules too!!!! If not, this site will turn into a wasteland where abuse is tolerated by many and those that cant will leave or lurk in the shadows. There is no real fix or answer unless all are forced to play by the same rules and those rules are the same for all no matter what the circumstances are. Banned members are being allowed to return, unacceptable behaviour is being allowed by a handful but others are moderated for the same behaviour, chat is a joke etc. etc. And yet through it all there are true angels here that fulfill the mandate of SF. To offer peer to peer support to others that have found SF in a moment or hour of desperate need. My hat is off to those members. To those that keep trying to help others. Isnt that what this site is all about at the end of each day? And all aspects of this site, chat, the threads, pms all of it. To help those that are looking for a kind word, a place to feel like they belong and above all else to be heard and understood. Maybe these ideas are "old" and not needed here. But from the all too often threads like this one I tend to think there are enough of us members being put off and out by the disrespectful actions of others that admin and mods had better start paying a little more attention to these threads.

    Robin started this site to help not hurt others. Lets get SF back to those "glory" days.
  9. ~PinkElephants~

    ~PinkElephants~ Senior member

    Seriously original poster, whomever you are...AMEN
  10. Epical Taylz

    Epical Taylz Well-Known Member

    I agree with this thread 100% and then some more.

    When I first came here about a year ago, it wasn't the same place that my friend suggested. I didn't feel liek anyone liked me here and I felt left out. Now, I'm not saying that people have to come running and welcoming me like I'm someone famous, but at least two people could have welcomed me.

    Another thing that bugs me is all the rudeness. I have read threads about bad moderators, about other members, and in those threads people on this forum are insulting said people. Then, they realize that they were wrong in doing so and ask a moderator to close it. What happens? A moderator doesn't close it.

    Now, I think, personally, that at least 3 moderators should be on this site 24 hours a day. That's what moderators are for, right?

    Also, I think that we need to get rid of the members who aren't so nice instead of putting them under moderation.

    As for cussing, I think that it should be blocked out unless you're posting a member's diary. A moderator should be blocking out the sware words. May I use one as an example?: Ass = A**
    Please don't get mad about the one cuss word, hehe.

    Whomever posted this thread, you are a hero :hug:

    Also, to all of those people who feel like socail outcasts, I love you and I would love to you :hug:
  11. Ignored

    Ignored Staff Alumni

    I don't disagree with this post but whenever mods do strongly enforce rules or try to come down harder on the forum there is uproar and cries that they are acting like dictators etc. They can't win really can they?! :dry: And as to the idea of there being 3 mods on at all times... mods are here voluntarily, suffer the same mh problems as every one else and therefore it is just not viable to try and force people to commit to set times as they don't always feel able, in the same way as we don't.
  12. SAVE_ME

    SAVE_ME Well-Known Member

    I choose to stay well away from chat....sad to say.....but this post only confirms my decision.

    I have to say though, and this isn't meant as a rib at anyone in particular, but sometimes I get a bit of a "cliquish" vibe from this place i.e. there are a group of members who seem to be on first name par with each other and all that....great. You know, I'm not against the idea of people having friends on here. That's cool, but what "grinds my gears" is the way people seem to be....well....not "ignored" exactly, but pushed aside if they are not a part of that group. I've tried my best to ignore this, and not let it bother me....but alas, it is time for me to open up. It's a little discouraging, to say the least. I mean, for the most part, yeah, people here have been great to me. There are some absolute legends and gems on this forum who I have been privileged enough to speak to (you guys know who you are), but sometimes I can't help but feel I don't though there's a popularity contest going on, and because I'm not one of the "cool cats", no one gives a flying fart about me. Maybe it is because I don't go into chat....fair enough I suppose, but again, I have my reasons. I'm sure it's not ALL bad in there, but still, I'd rather play it safe on the main forums for now. Besides, I get really anxious chatting to complete strangers lol. I mean, I've been here over a year, and nobody even knows my real name. It is only now really that I've started opening up to a few people in PM and getting to know them. Some people, I'll post in 'Buddy Chat' and make the offer of friendship through there, but nobody seems to be interested. Now don't you think, that for someone who suffers from extreme loneliness already, that this becomes even more depressing? I (and others) should feel like we have a voice here, like we have somewhere to turn when things get rough in our lives, but all we get is more ignorance. Maybe it isn't exactly 'intentional'....but it still hurts just as much. Anyway, that's all I'll say on that front. I certainly don't want to rub anyone the wrong way by what I just said, and I'm sorry if this does offend anyone. I just felt like I needed to get it off my chest.

    As for the swearing, I'll admit I can be guilty of that. Usually I try to half-censor my swearwords, but if my language has offended anyone I deeply apologise. I'll try to cut down on the profanity in future, but I only really do it because I can't exactly shout it out loud at the top of my lungs in real life, so it's just me trying to vent how frustrated I am, that's all....and sometimes that becomes almost impossible for words to describe....hence the swearing....surely, many of you will have felt like screaming "F***!!!!" at the top of your lungs at one point or another lol :tongue:

    Other than what I've just mentioned though, I've had no real problems with this forum, and have never had any disputes of any kind with another member (and hope to keep it that way).
  13. jameslyons

    jameslyons Well-Known Member

    I curse in my posts sometimes. Sorry if it's offended anyone.
  14. wheresmysheep

    wheresmysheep Staff Alumni

    I agree totally with all of this.i think a solid set of rules need to be placed down for chat and the forum alike and should apply to EVERYONE.not just nonfriends.pos close chat for a while to do this.mods should lurk and actually see the behaviour of some of the regulars.they do not offer support.only seldome seek it or entertainment for themselves.pms and msn is for your own jokes,not chat.imo.
  15. HappyAZaClaM

    HappyAZaClaM Guest

    ok, that's 4 things mentioned. one being profanity. which of the four
    do you find to be the most reprehensible? insulting, sarcastic, mocking
    or profanity? are you put off by insulting, mocking, belittling with OUT
    said profanity? or do you notice the subtle difference. the rules say
    we are not allowed to insult each other. I find these rule apply differently
    to different individuals. do you agree or not?

    that was then, this is now.

    yes, of course...

    meaning? what.. YOU would? but others would not? is that what you mean?

    no. not acceptable. yet, people who have done this were not banned? not
    put under moderation? why do you suppose that might be?
  16. Abacus21

    Abacus21 Staff Alumni

    Rest assured to everyone who's posted in this thread, these comments are being taken on board by the staff. Speaking personally - I've been reading this thread with a bit of sadness, yet interest.

    We've got a couple of things that we're thinking of implimenting to hopefully get some 'stability' back to the forum.

    It is indeed a shame that the actions of a few are spoiling it completely for the majority...
  17. andyc68

    andyc68 Guest

    I agree Joe that its sad to hear these things but everything said does happen and its a shame that this forum designed to support those in emotional distress has at times turned into a source of more issues by a minority who, dare i say it, in their infantile minds think its funny to mock, insult, abuse and in some cases push normal members to say or do something to get banned or punished.

    i truely hope that new measures will be put into place to combat this and make the site more safer for its members and to reduce punishments given to members who are not at fault.
  18. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    I am happy that my computer won't let me access chat, from all the stories I have heard about it I am not missing anything. I have used profanity in some of my replys and I apologise if I offended any one. Usually it's because someone is bashing another member. I remember a couple weeks ago there was a guy insulting Sweetheart and he was signed in as a guest so noone knew who he was. I went off on him because his remarks were totally unacceptable to me.
    If someone is insulting you or harrassing you put them on your ignore list, problem solved you never have to hear from them again. But you also need to leave it alone and don't sneek peeks at what they are saying. I find personally that my time is better spent by going thru the different forums and trying to support those who are down on themselves or on the verge of harming themselves. It's called using your time constructively!!! My hat is off to the mods and admin. because there are alot of members on this forum and there is only 24 hours in a day. To me they are doing an excellent job..Those are my opinions and I am sorry if someone doesn't like it.~Joseph~
  19. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    I'm also sorry for swearing in my some of my posts. Sometimes it's hard not to, but I'll do my best to avoid cuss words in the future.

    Regarding chat, there is a lot of people that feel 'left out' probably because the same people just talk to their friends in there.

    As for the moderators being online at all times, it's impossible. The mods have lives and their own problems too, it would be selfish to expect that from them.
  20. wheresmysheep

    wheresmysheep Staff Alumni

    Another sad truth about this all is,this is the internet.rules generally dont apply unles you have the mods are relying on the general members to abide by rules and be moral.sadle regardless of if you have mh issues or not.most of humanity has poor morals unless its for their own benefit.the only way might be taking a harsh stand on the mods side.apologise to anyone i EVER offended also.
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