Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by dink, Sep 10, 2007.

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  1. dink

    dink Well-Known Member

    He is fucking CONTENT to just let me care of everything. I don't know how in the fuck I am supposed to get through this. Oh...wait...let me take care of Mike. I said something to him about the fact that I am pregnant and I shouldn't be changing the litter boxes for the cats. That's ok...he is CONTENT to wait for me to do it. I say that "Maybe I can ask John my neighbor to come over and do the litter". He is CONTENT with that. He says that we are in this together..but I am the one that will have to take care of everything.

    He said "If you can't be there for yourself, then you can be there for me". What the fuck am I supposed to do? He needs me to help him get food. He needs me to try and get money to help pay his bills. He was CONTENT to go out and shoot pool!! He needs me to buy the oil for his car. He was CONTENT to go to McDonalds for breakfast and out to lunch at his new job. He needs me to help him clean his house. But he is CONTENT to let me ask John to help me with mine, instead of offering to help. He wants me, if it's a boy, to have the middle name Kelso, because it would mean so much to him and to his grandmother. And there is no way we can have 2 middle names. But he is CONTENT for me to not honor MY grandparents by using their names even though they will probably die before I even have this baby.He is hungry, me too, He is CONTENT to let me go and fix something for us to eat. He is CONTENT to just let me try to figure it out. I need a car, he is CONTENT to say that he needs money. He is CONTENT to just sit and wait, thinking that things will magically fix themselves.

    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 10, 2007
  2. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    I am sorry that he is treating you this way dink. Sounds like he needs a reality check. You are not his slave. A relationship is about give and take. You must work together. It isn't easy by any means. Communication is also very important. Perhaps you could print out your post and have him read it. Maybe he will understand better how you feel. Don't enable him by continuing to do the things for him he should be doing himself. Make him suffer a bit. Let him be the one to worry about where the money will come for the oil or gas in his car. Don't paty for his breakfast out, or shooting pool. It may cause a hardship to the relationship, but you obviously aren't happy with things the way they are now. Something has got to give, and itshouldn't have to be you. :hug:
  3. dink

    dink Well-Known Member

    Thank you Gentlelady. He has been unemployed for a few months, so he has no money to do any of the things. He borrowed $200 from a friend and that is what he has used to play pool and eat out on. I don't mind the helping him out stiff, if only he would help himself out sometimes too. It really is driving me insane. He acts like I should just cope with my emotions. Keep them in check. It doesn't work that way. I am trying so hard. He suffers from depression too, and I get that things have been difficult for him, but they are for me too. He just doesn't seem to get that part. then to make things worse, he pouts. He actually helped me carry up a few groceries. He said,"did you think that I was going to make you carry them up". He always does any other time. Maybe he thinks that is helping out, but damn. His solution to what to do with my cats litter was to take and dump my 3 cats with my neighbor who is already nice enough to help me out when he can. He said that way I wouldn't have to smell the litter.

    I love him, but I am really worried about how our relationship will get through this. I can't do it alone. Because of my mental health issues...bipolar disorder with MAJOR depression and suicidal ideation, and borderline personality disorder, I have always feared that when I got pregnant with whomever I was with they would try and take the baby from me. Even though with him, I feel safe, it is still a HUGE concern for me. I just don't know what I am going to do.
  4. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    I think the two of you need to sit down and really talk things out. Set some ground rules at the start that you will each listen to what the other has to say and neither side gets angry or feels guilt. Not only lay out the problems, but the things you like about each other as well. Then agree to meet each other halfway on the issues that are bothering you. Come to some sort of compromise. The issue with the litter box isn't just smelling it, but there are also diseases you can pass on to the baby from cats. Normally they are not a problem, but they can be a risk during pregnancy. Of course you could wear plastic gloves, but it is something that can easily be taken over by him, at least for a time. Anyway, communicate with each other. explain why you feel as you do. Talk things through. that is the only way to solve things. :hug:
  5. dink

    dink Well-Known Member

    I just can't figure this out. What part of I'm not getting hardly any sleep would prompt him to start calling me before 6:30am? He just tried again. He is only calling to see if I have called my mom to ask her for money. FUCK MIKE!! Call Tom or someone else. I just can't fucking believe him. He is not going to let up. I know that his bills are past due. SO are mine. Talk about being considerate. So, now I have been up for over 2 hours. I have an appointment today and I have to take the bus on top of that.
  6. snafu

    snafu Member

    Dump this guy!!! I'm speaking from experience!!! Dump him because things will only get worse!!!
  7. justsomeguy

    justsomeguy Active Member

    I don't really know what to say to you. It sounds like quite a crappy predicament and I wouldn't know what I'd do if I were in your situation.

    Anyways, I just thought I'd share a quote someone else posted on the forums that I found interesting: "You teach others how to treat you". By no means am I saying that his laziness is your fault or that you deserve to be treated this way, but I do believe that the sentiment of this quote is mostly true.

    I guess, what it comes down to, is that you can only control what you do.

    I hope things work out for you. ;)
  8. dink

    dink Well-Known Member

    I am so beside myself today. I wanted to go out to breakfast with my mom this morning to tell her that I am pregnant. She never called after work. I finally got a hold of her and she had gone straight home. She said that we can go tomorrow. I wanted to go this morning bc I meet with my case manager this afternoon.

    I got a little bit of sleep and had a horrible nightmare. I am still shaking. In it I ended up yelling at my mom, fighting with her and telling her that way. I really don't know how I am going to make it through this. I know that I keep saying that, but every day it seems more and more true.
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