I've got to say, I'm finally becoming content with my fate of dying within the next few years. Now stuff that made me sick to my stomach doesn't bother me anymore (at least not as much,) as well as most of my humanly problems... sure, I'm still broken about the state of the world and a lot of other stuff, but why should I give a fuck if I am going to kill myself shortly? It's my life isn't it? I mean, yeah, my parents gave me life, but my life was GIVEN to me; I should be able to do what I want with it, including ending it if it's causing me nothing but inevitable pain and disappointment. What kind of sick shit is making me live on in a life that does nothing but isolate and hurt me (if not then, eventually) and lead me through endless fucking guilt trips?
Oh well, no use in ranting about it now... at least now I know what I have to do. I know I can't keep living like this... I can't keep living period, otherwise, I'm just going to become a Phantom of the Opera-like recluse. I'm just going to take a final vacation in a few years or so, and then after that :mortd: no more of me. At least now I'm finally coming to terms with it, and that thought of knowing it's extremely likely I'm going to die in a few short years (save for some pie-in-the-sky miracle perhaps) seems to bring me more contentedness than anything else in the world right now... to finally return back to whatever the hell created me anyways...
Oh well, no use in ranting about it now... at least now I know what I have to do. I know I can't keep living like this... I can't keep living period, otherwise, I'm just going to become a Phantom of the Opera-like recluse. I'm just going to take a final vacation in a few years or so, and then after that :mortd: no more of me. At least now I'm finally coming to terms with it, and that thought of knowing it's extremely likely I'm going to die in a few short years (save for some pie-in-the-sky miracle perhaps) seems to bring me more contentedness than anything else in the world right now... to finally return back to whatever the hell created me anyways...