I've just posted some new topics that I am waiting response to. However, I do admit I'm subconsciously planning another attempt. I am scared, but I am practicing grounding techniques and distractions so I won't get too carried away. I'll be ok, I promise. Just disturbed that I'm actually fantasizing about suicide again even though it's contradictory to my beliefs. I'm so confused. Why do I always keep obsessing about killing myself? And with my luck, I will survive just like all the other times. Just hope I won't follow up this time.