control

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by xxcollxx, Nov 10, 2006.

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  1. xxcollxx

    xxcollxx Member

    Sometimes when things get out of my control, I do it... and it calms me down. I wish I could find something else to calm me down...
    I used to do it all the time, as a kind of ritual, but i had managed to stop.
    Then two years ago last October I was forced upon by someone who i thought was my friend... at the time i dont think i saw it for what it was and i had a lot of other things going on, so i just stopped talking to him and brushed it off. Then a few months after it hit me and I got depressed. I thought i could talk to him about it to figure out what happened and try and see why, if it was my fault, but he laughed in my face. I was shattered... I started to hurt myself again, despite having stopped for about a year. Now I do it when i get worked up, and it really really calms me down. Its an area of my life which i can control, one of the only areas...
    I dont know what to do, people suggest going to get help but i guess im a bit scared to...
    I feel so upset, and, after two years I still feel incredibly empty...
    I wish there was something i could do...
     
  2. altek001

    altek001 Well-Known Member

    ..convincing yourself to go and get help is always the hardest part...

    nobody in my family really knows that i cut..so the impetus to go and get assistance is low...

    ..i hope you decide to go soon...


    take care
    - Henry
     
  3. xxcollxx

    xxcollxx Member

    thanx, i looked... just cant seem to get up the courage to go...
    i hate it...
    it feels like im never going to get out of this...
     
  4. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    If this so called friend did what I think he did, you need to talk to someone about it. That kind of thing will sit and fester in you, I noticed you're already taking the blame (quote: try and see why, if it was my fault, ) for something that is in no way your fault, whatever the circumstances.

    Try to find someone to talk this over with hun and I bet the need to self harm will start to abate again, or at least become easier to control.
     
  5. xxcollxx

    xxcollxx Member

    But who do i talk to? Professional help seems like im crazy and theres something wrong, but i cant talk to anyone who knows me about it cos they dont know what to say...
    I need to know if its my fault to see if theres something i coiuld have done differently to make it not happen...
     
  6. consciousinsane

    consciousinsane Well-Known Member

    You can not control or take the blame for anyone's actions but your own. HE did this. It was HIS wrong doing. YOU DID NOTHING WRONG!! He only had what he wanted on his mind. He didn't think nor care about you before, during, or after. He laughed in your face. A sure sign that it was indeed all his fault.
     
  7. xxcollxx

    xxcollxx Member

    Recently i'v moved house and he now lives near me, do i try to go talk to him? maybe itll help? im scared. I just dont kow what to do...
    Its really upsetting me...
     
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