I have anxiety, depression, and horribly low self esteem. I am unable to take medication for this, because my family believes I will abuse them. So, I smoke marijuana for it, and it helps completely. Since it is illegal, and I still live with my mother, she has caught me several times. And now calls me drug addict. She cuts me down to nothing. When I was younger, I was overweight, she used to squeeze the fat on my stomach as hard as she could until it would hurt. She would call me fat. Tell me I won't be loved. And dad was never there. She has kicked me, slapped me, busted my lip, and has dug her nails into my skin. Yet, she still says she has never physically/emotionally abused me. Our apt. was also robbed this year, so I had to move. So, after I moved I started hearing from friends less and less, now never(only moved 20 min. away).This passed year I have been alone 24/7 in my room with almost no human interaction, besides my family. Anyways, this passed year I've cut myself(as a form of punishment), and have been thinking about suicide alot. Today, it hit me really hard, when mom found my stash. I feel worthless, no one loves me. I just need some sort of assurance that life is worth living..