conundrum

Discussion in 'Therapy and Medication' started by shadowofformerself, Jan 3, 2008.

  1. shadowofformerself

    shadowofformerself New Member

    i'm not quite sure this is the right board to post this in, but would appreciate some advice. i have been on some sort of medication since i was sixteen (i am now 23) and have always had problems taking them regularly. currently i am diagnosed as schizoaffective take 30 mg abilify and 150mg lamictal, as well as 1mg alprazolam and 20mg methlphenidate hcl sr (2 tablets twice a day). my problem is this, recently i began a campaign to take my medications regularly as prescribed. the first month was wonderful, for once, i was happy and had hope for the future. one more month into the meds, it took quite a different turn. while i was still happy, i became so numb to the world and disconnected, tired and slow moving, had trouble concentrating and with short term memory, which my ritalin did nothing to help. this brought on a lot of concern from friends and family who felt i was overmedicated. about a week ago, i once again went off my medicines. for the past two or three weeks, i've been in a constant state of extreme tiredness and yet have been experiencing insomnia. i just feel so hopeless about the whole situation. i'm about to start school on monday and am faced with the fact that i am apparently unable to function with or without my meds. is there anyone else who has had a similar situation? i go back to see my psychiatrist next week and am nervous about making more changes to my currents medications, as i have had bad experiences with that in the past. i suppose i can only hope for the future, but at the current time, i seem to have very little hope left. i just feel like such a failure and waste of space. is there any hope for me?