Conversation is One Way? Do They even Know/Care??

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by yous, Jun 4, 2010.

  1. yous

    yous Well-Known Member

    What do you make of people who only have a one way conversation with you? Like everytime you are in a conversation with this one person, all of the subject is about them and what they do, their interests (even if you are not as interested), their life and none is yours?

    Currently I know a person that is just like that. I mean its great that I'm getting to know them, but why don't they reciprocate at all? If I say something about what I'm interested in, they sound like they are denying wanting to hear me. I try to sound motivated and positive, and am trying really hard to please the person, but the person doesn't get it?

    Has anyone met anyone like this before and understand what is going on? Do they or can they even care about me???

    Sorry maybe this should have been in the 'Let it all out' section. But it is a relationship with a person, so I got confused.
  2. Kaos General

    Kaos General Well-Known Member

    Yeah i get precisely what you mean. But with me its everyone of this site, my friends, family etc. Only a handful of people can ever be bothered to ask how i am or get to know the real me. Everyone else is just self absorbed
  3. kitanai

    kitanai Well-Known Member

    im like that . sometimes my mind is moving so fast i have to ask what was just said to me . they call it add i call it not being intrested in this world. it has alot to do with keeping myself amused with thinking . lol i used to day dream my way threw all my classes and if i had a job its how i get threw the day . its so hard to find anything intresting. it effects my relationships badly but it dosent mean i dont love . it just gets twisted
  4. deadend

    deadend Active Member

    Yeah, most people are like that, but I don't think they mean to be. If you ever listen in on some conversations, especially ones that seem like both people are talking a lot, what you will hear is one person telling the other person something about themselves, then the other person interjecting with a related topic about themselves. If one person is doing all the talking, it's usually because the other person is not doing the interjecting with their own stories and instead just listening and/or asking questions to encourage the other person to keep talking, either out of honest curiosity or boredom. Most people are hardly ever listening. They are just waiting for their turn to talk.
  5. Datura

    Datura Well-Known Member

    The person might not be very interested in you/self absorbed. Since you say it's a relationship, expressing your frustrations to this person would be best. Unless you think it's a lost cause.
  6. KittyGirl

    KittyGirl Well-Known Member

    I find myself in one way conversations quite a bit. I don't mean to go on and on about myself... but even when I leave the conversation open-ended or ask a question; some people just don't feel like saying much. That's okay.

    I think that alot of people would rather say very little, or nothing at all when everything is shitty.

    One of my oldest friends went through a fairly rough patch when she left home for university. We lived in the same city, but didn't have a chance to see eachother very often, so we'd talk on the phone every now and then.
    I found that any time I could call her, or she would call me, she would spend hours bitching about this and that- not letting me talk about anything that was going on with me; then she'd just say, "So, I'll talk to you later! Bye!" and that was the end of the conversation.
    ....every conversation. for a year.
    And then I just stopped trying to contact her, because I was going through alot of shit and couldn't deal with being the person she could just use up and toss out every day.
    BUT it didn't mean that she didn't care about me. We're friends; she was just temporarily self-absorbed. XD
  7. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    I seem to attract those kind of people....I'd like it if they shut up once in a while and listened to me for a change..and I really hate those people who -the minute you open your mouth to speak -they talk over the top of you....
  8. yous

    yous Well-Known Member

    @pineappletree EXACTLY! I mean how hard is it for people to just ask back 'how are you?' I met this person once whom was going through issues with a friend. And I said to this person, "well what was up with your friend?" and you know what this person told me?? "I don't know how to say, 'how are yous', I don't say it." Geez.

    @kitanai Not being interested in the world that is not of you is a good coping skill, but then how do you express care if you do of someone? I'd like to go off and not be interested in anything/anyone, don't see the point to, there's nothing interesting anymore, but sometimes something or someone comes around that you want to get to know....will you ever show interest? Just wondering in general.

    @deadend This current situation I'm in, a guy I like whom I only spoken through IMs because that's how he wants to be(not even emails, he tells me he is introverted), we've had like 2 great conversations where he spends most of the time talking about his interests and none of mine. I would try my best to keep up the conversation because I lacked knowledge in his interest but tried best to be encouraging and asked questions while he just kept talking about himself. There were a few brief moments, I would try to speak of my interests, but he never responded to those. If I would talk about problems in life, he wouldn't respond, and our conversations would be dead. If I asked about his interests, he would talk again. I know it sounds like he may not be into me and I had considered that before. But then why does he contact me when he has got the time. I tried dropping him and moving forward, but if I'm on IM, he would say hi and start talking about himself all over again and I have to keep up if I want to keep him. I mean what the Hell? Is there anyway to get this person to be interested in me!??

    @Datura I expressed my concerns once and he told me that he liked me and that was it. I have reason to believe it's not the way I think, but then again he's always hard to read. He also told me if I were to have him repeat that he liked me, then he was not going to stand for it because of my insecurities, whatever the hell that means. I have reason to believe he's not into me, but he does IM me sometime. Is there anyway in getting through these people or should I just block him. I'll be heartbroken though.

    @KittyGirl I don't think he is going through a shitty life, in fact I think he occupies himself well when he's alone. He doesn't seem like he says very little, because all of our conversations so far has been about him. It's just that if I stop inquiring about his life, or add interjections about what HE is talking about, the conversation would just die. BUT in your example, I think that describes him - self-absorbed. So then is there any hope at all, or do people just stay self-absorbed and never modest?

    @IV2010 These are the only people I meet too. People who just love talking about themselves and never any real concern about you. Or if they care less about you, there is no conversation at all. I had one relative whom I rarely meet, we were stuck in a park waiting for other relatives. We could have chat about anything!! But we spent 3 hours just sitting on a park bench speechless! I would talk a little, ask, but conversation would die. She had obviously no interest in me or my life, where I came from. Is this a correct assessment?

    Soooo then all hope is lost I'm guessing. If I ask this guy to meet, would he? (he said he was introverted, but I may have cracked a bit of his shell, because now he only speaks of his interests). Should I just give up now?! UGH it shouldn't be this hard! And I'm pathetic I can't find any other friends. Everyone I meet is either self-absorbed or sees me not at their level and useless. :sad: Thanks for all who helped me out, I need more advice, Plllease!
  9. Datura

    Datura Well-Known Member

    You're trying too hard, and the guy isn't budging. Honestly, to me he doesn't seem worth the hassle. Unless you're getting something from this that overshadows his egotistical nature, move on. You may have come across people who for the majority are self absorbed, but there are others out there who believe in an even exchange when it comes to conversation. Giving up on this guy may be in order, but don't give up on everyone.
  10. deadend

    deadend Active Member

    I can't say for sure what kind of a person this guy really is. He may be self-absorbed, or he might not know how to talk to people, like he doesn't understand how to give and take in a conversation because like you said, he is very introverted so he never learned the proper social skills. But then again, it's strange that he doesn't want to have email conversations with you. Emailing requires less extroversion than IM chatting does, so that is strange to me. It sounds as if he is trying to hide something, like maybe he has a girlfriend and doesn't want her to see the emails. If he was truly interested in getting to know you, it would show in your conversations. Since he's never really had a interest in anything you have to say, I wouldn't put much more thought into him. If you feel like you want to continue talking to him, you should definitely keep your guard up. [If you really feel you need to talk to him again, you should ask him this : "You never ask about me, are you not interested?", or "For being an introvert, you sure do talk about yourself a lot." :p] You shouldn't have to settle for less than what you want. If you want a man to treat you like he cares about you and what you have to say, don't settle for one that won't. We all deserve to be treated well.
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 4, 2010
  11. plates

    plates Well-Known Member

    leave it, it's not worth talking to people like that, and i have very little patience for it anymore.

    some love to have someone be curious about their life and ask questions, especially by people who are genuinely interested, and are good at talking to people. they are lonely, and might need "someone to talk to." but that doesn't mean they should see you as having that one and only purpose for them only. i just distance myself from these relationships. i have them everywhere, it's been like that for years, and it's not worth it.
  12. yous

    yous Well-Known Member

    I guess its because I'm lonely that I keep talking to this guy. I have absolutely no friends to even talk to me so its either me wallowing in my depression or somebody to talk to me about their self-absorbed life. It's so sad, but how can I break free? It's like people addicted to something. I keep telling myself stop talking to him, but days later I go and contact him. I hate myself later for it.

    @Datura That is very good advice. I just have to weed out all those self-absorbed people until I find THE one I guess.

    @deadend Great advice and I never thought in this way before but definitely am keeping this in mind! I had another conversation with the guy, I purposely made it all about him by questioning every thing that came to mind and was surprised he was able to reveal a lot to me. What does that mean? Of course it was a one way conversation again. So I felt safe I didn't have to talk about my pathetic life.

    @ggg4567 Yeah eventually I know this guy's gotta go. It is a very good idea to distance yourself from relationships. I will do this as well with anybody that I cross that is like this.
  13. Reki

    Reki Well-Known Member

    I do the same thing sometimes, more often than I'd like to admit actually. I try to catch myself and keep it balanced but I don't do that as often as I should. It's kind of hypocritical because I can't stand talking to someone wrapped up in themselves. But so it goes, baby steps.
  14. yous

    yous Well-Known Member

    Well I tried offering this person my understanding, my availability to listen and communicate, but this person shut be out. I was everything there, but I guess just like I expected in every relationship I tried, I got the short end of the stick and lost. I failed again. I feel like a failure. I guess I'll never find someone who just simply wants to live life, you know? I guess I'll never understand why people just don't want friends. It's weird concept. But I gave it my last shot. I tried being a human being to another human being, and I guess it just didn't work. It's no wonder this world is full of cruel, uncaring people. It's no wonder there is so much hate in the world. I tried to give love, I tried to care, but what did I get in return??? So much pain and time lost. Is this the way we all want to live? I am not a bit surprised that we will all kill each other in the end, because love is not stronger than anything. Love does not conquer all. It's the hatred planted in all humans that will destroy all of humanity and everything in it.
  15. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    Hmmm I wonder if I come off like a self-absorbed ass to my friend Y... I emancipation I try to get her to talk about her day. However, she just doesn't, I do not know why. She always says "just another boring day ". I do not mind letting her hear about me... I just feel like she does not want me to like her or something.

    However, it happens some people like talking about themselves. Anyone who has PMed me would tell you I am the same way... :sad: God I suck.
  16. Viro

    Viro Well-Known Member

    I'm the complete opposite - I'm always more interested in other people's lives, because I hate my own. I dread people asking how I am.
  17. yous

    yous Well-Known Member

    I'm the same way, but there comes a point where the relationship because so one-sided that you want that somebody to at least ask "how are you?" even if it's just an expression. I was in a conversation that was so difficult to talk about because I was forced to like their type of music, sport, or whatever interest them. I had to literally do extra research if I wanted to get on their side or otherwise lose the relationship. So the last conversation I had with this person I went all out and shot out every question down the list with none in return. Those people are so selfish, so self-absorbed I almost pity them.
  18. Viro

    Viro Well-Known Member

    I agree - both parties have to work for the conversation. Either both discussing, or one talking and the other listening

    I do feel sorry for them, especially when they don't realize why it is people don't enjoy being around them.
  19. yous

    yous Well-Known Member

    I really can't understand how they can become so inward? They don't validate the people around them even if its a stranger but I always focus on the person right in front of me. I don't get them!
  20. Viro

    Viro Well-Known Member

    It always amazes me. I mean, I know why I care more about others than I do myself. I just cannot imagine the opposite. I just do not understand, on a visceral level, how someone can talk about their life constantly, and not realize (or realize, and just keep talking) that the person they're talking to is hurting.