Conversation.

[Aurelia]

Husband: The fact that you're on Suboxone and Klonopin makes you just as bad as I am, prescribed or not.

Me: How do you figure? They help me feel normal and don't knock me out on my ass in the process.

Husband: The Pins are supposed to help with anxiety, but the fact that they give you motivation to get shit done means you're an addict.

Me: Yeah? So how come I'm able to deal without them when we don't have them for two weeks at a time? No, they're not supposed to treat depression, but why look a gift horse in the mouth? They help, and I'm not high out of my mind in the process.

Husband: If I took all those away from you right now, you'd be just as bad as me.

Me: I'd feel like crap, yes. My brain is dependent on them. That's why they're classified as narcotics. That's what fucking happens. But you know what, unlike you, who would have a shitfit, I would still fucking deal if I absolutely had to.

Husband: Okay, let's try that out then. I'll take them away.

Me: Why would I want to suffer needlessly just to help you prove your idiotic point? No, thank you.

Husband: Yeah, because I'm right. You wouldn't last.

Me: I'd last. I'm not you. But I don't want to put myself through this for no apparent reason, except on a whim of yours. So think what you want, but I'm not anywhere near as bad as you are. You're doing 3-4 bags of Fentanyl per shot and the pain is so bad that you can't stand it and start dissociating. You can't go back to Subs because you can't handle waiting untl it's out of your system to take the Sub. Methadone was your only option. That's how badly you've screwed yourself falling into that hole. So you and I--NOT the same. At all.

Thoughts, comments?

 

[NobodySpecial]

Wow...

"Husband" clearly does not understand depression and mental illness. And, is clearly, insensitive to your feelings.

I'm not a fan of taking medication, for any reason unless necessary, but if it is needed (alleviating suffering classifies as "needed") then take advantage of modern science and medical knowledge.

For what it is worth: I agree, there is no need to subject yourself to suffering just to prove you can handle it. Anyone who would ask you to do so, especially with medication and psychological issues, is not someone from whom you should take such advice. You know what is working for you, and I will assume that you are getting the medications from a doctor, so listen to the trained medical professional.

"Husband" needs to learn empathy.

Please forgive me if none of the above is coherent. Like many here, I am not in the best emotional state. I read your post and the utter lack of empathy and consideration depicted compelled me to comment. I agree with what you are saying and I hope that you are ok, continue to be ok, and maintain the strength and determination to not succumb to the suggestions of "Husband".

 

[Inanimate]

He’s being petty. He has nothing to lose by goading you into suffering with him needlessly. Whether or not he’s “right,” he’d be hurting you in the process by way of this childlike retribution. I wouldn’t be the least bit surprised if he’s displacing his blame and resentment on you.

This whim of his could also be a passive-aggressive way of saying “Let’s bear this pain together—in the name of love!” Too far-fetched?

 

[Human Ex Machinae]

Read the original Bram Stoker's Dracula

It's almost unbearably corny, but parts of it can be instructive. Much like life, I guess.

 

[BarryW]

Aurelia, I'm sorry that it seems you are having a tough time in what should be one of the most supportive relationships in one's life. I would need the full conversation, as well as probably sufficient backstory for both people, to feel okay making a judgment on the partial conversation you posted. Several important questions are raised starting from the first sentence, and not answered elsewhere in your post. Maybe other forum members know you well enough to follow this.

Husband: The fact that you're on Suboxone and Klonopin makes you just as bad as I am, prescribed or not.

It sounds like you were already deep into a discussion/argument about drug/meds use and possibly other topics. The wording here suggests that maybe "Me" accused "Husband" of being "bad" in some way or other. Maybe as an addict? Maybe as a person? That doesn't seem like something that would just be said out of nowhere.. it's important to me what brought this on. Was there a normal conversation that escalated into finger pointing and name calling? Were there previous conversations about this topic, promises made and broken, so that frustration on one side or the other built up to a high point? Husband's statement here sounds very defensive, so I wonder, what put him on the defensive?

The general gist of the conversation as I can best guess, and I don't feel very confident about this guess, seems to be that you are trying to convey to husband you disapprove of their level of drug/meds use and husband is trying to defend saying it's equivalent to what you are doing. But why this conversation is even happening is not clear.

I hope I don't sound like I am playing devil's advocate or taking a particular side. I just don't like making snap judgments. If you can provide a lot more relevant details, I will be happy to try to comment or converse about it further. Otherwise, I wish you luck in working something out.

 

[Gonz]

@BarryW, "husband" is the kinda guy who'd just randomly pick petty fights with her for no good reason so maybe this was part of a larger argument but not necessarily.

@Aurelia, sure you may have a dependence on your prescribed meds. I've been on Klonopin for a little bit now, and I sure am. But yeah, that's not the same as buying Fentanyl off the street.

I mean, I've got a bit of a bug up my ass about addictive prescription meds for, I think, obvious reasons. But it's still not the same.

 

[Sunspots]

Husband: Okay, let's try that out then. I'll take them away.

I wonder what he'd do with them if he "took them away"?
Ulterior motive? I know your meds have gone missing before..

There is no comparison between your meds and his fentanyl and there's no comparison between your strength and his. You know that, we know that and I'm pretty sure he knows that too.

 

[Aurelia]

He’s being petty. He has nothing to lose by goading you into suffering with him needlessly. Whether or not he’s “right,” he’d be hurting you in the process by way of this childlike retribution. I wouldn’t be the least bit surprised if he’s displacing his blame and resentment on you.

This whim of his could also be a passive-aggressive way of saying “Let’s bear this pain together—in the name of love!” Too far-fetched?

I know. I wouldn't be surprised if he actually thinks that's true. He has to delude himself in order to feel better about himself. It's not that it hurts me as much as it just pisses me off that he's really that delusional.

 

[Aurelia]

By the way, as I type this, he's passed out, standing up, face planted in the frying pan on the kitchen table. Been in that same position for about 30 minutes now. Meanwhile, I'm doing schoolwork. But yeah, I'm "just as bad," let me tell you. I've never been through fentanyl withdrawal, but I've been through a lot of others -- Sub, heroin, methadone. And no matter how bad it hurt, I wouldn't do any of the stupid shit he does because of it. That's the difference. He told me he wasn't going to do as much when he got his methadone dose increased. Clearly, that was a load of crap.