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Convinced that I am only hear for loved ones sake

#1
I am convinced that I am only still here because if I did anything, my family would be destroyed. My husband would lose it as would my kids. So, I guess I will just keep plugging on...I simply cannot destroy especially my husband. I will need to live with my guilt and shame. Thanks for listening....
 

GMody

Well-Known Member
#2
You are right if you die your family would be in dire straits. I get suicidal thoughts off and on. If I do commit suicide, it would devastate my children. Don't know about my wife though.
 
#3
You are right if you die your family would be in dire straits. I get suicidal thoughts off and on. If I do commit suicide, it would devastate my children. Don't know about my wife though.
I get the thoughts every day. I really do not want to die yet I hate ‘existing’ like this. There is no medicine on earth that will remove self hatred and guilt nor will it erase trauma. I have tried it all....as much as I have lots to live for, it is just so damn painful. I am embarrassed and ashamed to feel this way but I do. I hope things get better for you.
 

1964dodge

Has a frog in the family
Forum Pro
SF Supporter
#4
i feel for you @Hatingmyselfdaily . yes your family would be destroyed that's one of the two reasons i don't go. and meds may not work but therapy should help at least a little. i have things in my past that upset me and i'm truly embarrassed about. but they don't define me, and they don't define you. i'm sure you have good things in your life as well. i hope you can get some help to feel better about yoursellf...mike....*hug*console*shake
 
#5
i feel for you @Hatingmyselfdaily . yes your family would be destroyed that's one of the two reasons i don't go. and meds may not work but therapy should help at least a little. i have things in my past that upset me and i'm truly embarrassed about. but they don't define me, and they don't define you. i'm sure you have good things in your life as well. i hope you can get some help to feel better about yoursellf...mike....*hug*console*shake
Thanks Mike. I have had no luck with therapy. Today my therapist literally took a phone call during Emdr processing. Was doing it via zoom...I had my eyes closed and when I opened them I saw her checking her phone. Then her phone rang, she answered it and put me on hold...can you believe it? Not supposed to feel worse after meeting with your therapist. This, after her being 30 minutes late for the session. I am beginning to feel mighty hopeless..
 

1964dodge

Has a frog in the family
Forum Pro
SF Supporter
#6
Thanks Mike. I have had no luck with therapy. Today my therapist literally took a phone call during Emdr processing. Was doing it via zoom...I had my eyes closed and when I opened them I saw her checking her phone. Then her phone rang, she answered it and put me on hold...can you believe it? Not supposed to feel worse after meeting with your therapist. This, after her being 30 minutes late for the session. I am beginning to feel mighty hopeless..
that is just plain wrong. is there any way you can change therapist? the wrong therapist can be useless or even cause more harm, but the right therapist can change your life for the better...mike....*hug*shake
 
#7
that is just plain wrong. is there any way you can change therapist? the wrong therapist can be useless or even cause more harm, but the right therapist can change your life for the better...mike....*hug*shake
Exactly....it was VERY wrong. I seriously wanted to hurt myself after. I called a friend who recommended her therapist. I called her and she said I will need to call back in September when her office reopens as she does not find Emdr useful via zoom. Honestly, if there was ever a day I could have <mod edit - method>, today was the day.
 
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1964dodge

Has a frog in the family
Forum Pro
SF Supporter
#8
try to hold on until then. you have a home here with people that will help you. and i'm not sure if it will be any better but there is online therapy. talk to your doctor if you can for help or reccomendations...mike...*hug*shake
 
#9
try to hold on until then. you have a home here with people that will help you. and i'm not sure if it will be any better but there is online therapy. talk to your doctor if you can for help or reccomendations...mike...*hug*shake
Thank you Mike. I have seen 3 therapists....none have panned out. This, after never needing one in my life, and I am 62. I need your opinion....my guilt has upset me so much. The person I hurt has forgiven me. I do not know if he told his wife Or anyone else’s what I did but I somehow feel I should tell her and the rest of my family. And what I did was done at a manic moment....I posted something foolish on his FB page in his account as he had given me his password, do not ask me why I did it...When I told the therapist she said that I need to just accept what I did and love myself in spite of it. Do you think I should admit all of this to the rest of my family, especially given the fact that I am constantly suicidal....not so much because of the post but because of my trauma, which many don’t know anything about. Thanks....
 

1964dodge

Has a frog in the family
Forum Pro
SF Supporter
#10
if you can find a way to live with it i agree with your therapist forgive yourself and move on. take into his account that he forgave you there is no longer a need to keep that trauma with you. try to move forward in a positive way if you can. but if you have to do it tell only one person so the whole thing doesn't blow up again. try to realize that you are a good person who made a mistake, who hasn't made mistakes, i know that i have...mike....*hug*shake
 
#11
if you can find a way to live with it i agree with your therapist forgive yourself and move on. take into his account that he forgave you there is no longer a need to keep that trauma with you. try to move forward in a positive way if you can. but if you have to do it tell only one person so the whole thing doesn't blow up again. try to realize that you are a good person who made a mistake, who hasn't made mistakes, i know that i have...mike....*hug*shake
Thanks Mike. Bless you.
 

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