convincing psych I can go back to school..?

[Allie123]

How hard is it to convince a therapist & psych that I am well enough to go back to school? I've been on psychiatric leave from grad school since sept '10, and by May1st I need them to say that I'm well enough to return if I want to start again in sept '11. I'm doing much better than I was doing in september, but some things happened (external things.. i was sexually assaulted) that have led me back to some of my behaviors that got me on leave in the first place. Back in sept I was suicidal and struggling with some substance abuse and bulimia. Now, I'm working in a lab (at the school I plan on attending) and since the assault I've been slipping back into bulimia behaviors. I finally told my therapist (like a month after it started up again) and I'm worried this will hurt my chances of being able to go back to school. I'm purging like once a day. What do you guys think? Obviously I'll try to cut it out, but if I can't.. should I start lying to her? I NEED to go back to school. If I stay out longer its going to negatively impact my recovery, I know it. School has always been my base that has helped me keep my shit together, I need it in my life again.

thanks loves <3

 

[aoeu]

Not attending is better than failing out. I know how you feel, I know how important it feels to get back into school... I would suggest you do everything you possibly can to get actually well by May. DO NOT LIE. You will be doing a disservice to yourself.

Use this as incentive to get better. You're an academic, you know about research - look up everything you possibly can on the topic of stopping bulimia, there's got to be a solution that works for you.

 

[Allie123]

sigh... In my brain I know you're right Steffen. That is some solid advice.

I don't know that I would fail out though. I've finished my classes and did pretty well (my anxiety isn't performance related), but I have to finish a thesis which was what I struggled with before I left (my anxiety is more social - I have difficulty going to a lab where there are other students/professors/etc). I think I am ready to do better this time around though, I've started working in a lab as a staff member, so if I were to go back to school the transition would be smooth. My day-to-day life wouldn't be different, I would just be workign as a student (and not getting paid as much lol).

I'm functioning in lab now with the bulimia, and I know this is not reasonable, but I wish I could just spend the rest of my life functioning as well as I am now, with bulimia as my secret coping method.Because, really, on the surface I'm doing fine.

If I were to not be a student or not work, my life would lose so much structure.. and I'm pretty sure the bulimia would intensify AND i'd probably be suicidal again. Structure is good for me.

I wish I could quit the purging, but I keep having flashbacks to the incident and its the only thing that keeps me sane. Of course, that's a different topic for a different part of this forum lol.

Is it ok to ask my therapist what exactly I need to do for her to sign my forms?

 

[aoeu]

Yes, that's okay to ask. She should have specific, objective goals for you, and not telling you them would be counter-productive, to say the least. I hope you're well enough to do it.

 

[Allie123]

Thanks =] I'll try. I don't like being in this place of not knowing whether I need to lie or not.