Ugh where do I start... im so scared right now I dont know what I want to do and the future is so vague and everythings just spinning like crazy. I dont think ive ever felt this bad before, I mean ive been down but now its gotten really worse, like I cant go to sleep even though I havent slept since yesterday. I'm living with one of my parents and it wouldnt work living with the other one because things dont work that well with my other parent and we get along great when we dont live together... but every day im reminded that they dont want me living here and today I was threatened by my good for nothing brother. I cant go anywhere, im going to school to get a better job so I can live on my own but I cant go anywhere right now and I just wanna say fuck it and give up im just so tired of all the assholes in the world, I HATE my family I HATE all of them and I honestly wish they would all die horrible deaths because I hate them all so much... and im not saying this lightly. I want to die right now but I cant bring myself to do it yet theres nothing for me to do, ive never felt this bad before, I just want to get it over with, but at the same time I want things to work out yet I dont see any other way. I cant move in with my father, I cant get my own apartment because I cant afford it right now... maybe not for a while, theres no friends to move in with, im just so sick of trying you know? its like nobody gives a fuck about if im trying I just want to be left alone. And thats another thing, im an honest person yet things get stolen from me all the time which makes no dam sense whatsoever, it makes no sense that bad things to people who try to be good, and thats what gets me angry all the time. So here I am, pulling my last thread of sanity off because in all honesty.... why the fuck not? Sure as hell doesnt seem like anyone else is gonna be bothered by it, at least not here anyway... I mean my family can be fake all they want, all they dam well please, but it doesnt make up for the fact that they are selfish assholes who steal from the one person who might actually make it someday, and understandably I get angry... I dont understand any of my feelings right now its impossible to describe, I feel cornered like I have nowhere else to go, suicide my escape, yet I cant do it its like an insane paradox with me in the center. It's stupid, we live through hardships and die eventually which im taking into perspective along with everything else, and we suffer for WHAT? There is no happiness... at least not here, I dont know what im going to do but im getting closer to the point where I might grab the balls to just do it, who knows.