I will just copy here what I have written on my blog but I really need some support at the moment....
I feel as though I have been cornered.
Basically I went to counsellor today and she said she wanted to talk to me about something.
She has spoken to her directors about me and what I do and they feel that I am too vulnerable to be working/studying what I am doing at the moment. I can't tell them to stick it as it will put me in a worse position. Basically because I am training to be a social worker they feel I am too vulnerable to be working with people in that position at the moment. So I have a choice. Either I take a break from studies for a while or they will intervene by going to NHS and reporting me. If they do that then it could screw everything up career wise in the future. If I take a break then it could still screw it all up. I have never mentioned anything to uni about my problems. They could quite easily and turn round to me and say, you never told us and because of that we don't think you should be on the course at all.
The course and the placement I love. They do make me happy. I am happiest when I am supporting other people and feel as though I have purpose and direction in my life.It wouldn't just be a matter of taking a few weeks off as of placements etc. I would either not be able to continue with the course at all, or I would have to wait another year before I could do anything.
I am screwed either way. I have asked Sam if there is anyway I can approach uni, tell them the position I am in that I see a counsellor, I suffer with depression and that the issues that have been raised in counselling are a bit tough for me as I have never discussed them. Explain to them that I am capable of doing the job, and doing it well. As I have been. And that I want to continue with it all etc. And then see where they stand. I have to wait for Sam to get back to me.
I feel as though that in seeking help and trying to deal with the things I have made things worse.
It's just reinforced my issues of trust. How can I be honest with people when it has such negative consequences. There was no way I could then tell her about the other stuff. I know I am bad at the moment. But, the course is what is keeping me going. It makes me happy. It gives me control and I keep it separate from me. It's the other person inside me. I can understand what they are saying...if I was a risk to other people. I'm not. I am doing really well on it. I am a positive thing in the peoples lives that I am working with. I don't let my own issues come in to it at all.
It's such a positive thing for me.
Another concern I have is if it is taken away. 1 - obs the people I am working with are going to be left in the lurch. But what about me. Where does it leave me. How many times have I said it's making me have some control. It is keeping me going. Now I could understand people may think that's all well and good but at what cost to the clients. There is none! I can do the job, I do it well.
I am screwed what ever happens I think!
I feel as though I have been cornered.
Basically I went to counsellor today and she said she wanted to talk to me about something.
She has spoken to her directors about me and what I do and they feel that I am too vulnerable to be working/studying what I am doing at the moment. I can't tell them to stick it as it will put me in a worse position. Basically because I am training to be a social worker they feel I am too vulnerable to be working with people in that position at the moment. So I have a choice. Either I take a break from studies for a while or they will intervene by going to NHS and reporting me. If they do that then it could screw everything up career wise in the future. If I take a break then it could still screw it all up. I have never mentioned anything to uni about my problems. They could quite easily and turn round to me and say, you never told us and because of that we don't think you should be on the course at all.
The course and the placement I love. They do make me happy. I am happiest when I am supporting other people and feel as though I have purpose and direction in my life.It wouldn't just be a matter of taking a few weeks off as of placements etc. I would either not be able to continue with the course at all, or I would have to wait another year before I could do anything.
I am screwed either way. I have asked Sam if there is anyway I can approach uni, tell them the position I am in that I see a counsellor, I suffer with depression and that the issues that have been raised in counselling are a bit tough for me as I have never discussed them. Explain to them that I am capable of doing the job, and doing it well. As I have been. And that I want to continue with it all etc. And then see where they stand. I have to wait for Sam to get back to me.
I feel as though that in seeking help and trying to deal with the things I have made things worse.
It's just reinforced my issues of trust. How can I be honest with people when it has such negative consequences. There was no way I could then tell her about the other stuff. I know I am bad at the moment. But, the course is what is keeping me going. It makes me happy. It gives me control and I keep it separate from me. It's the other person inside me. I can understand what they are saying...if I was a risk to other people. I'm not. I am doing really well on it. I am a positive thing in the peoples lives that I am working with. I don't let my own issues come in to it at all.
It's such a positive thing for me.
Another concern I have is if it is taken away. 1 - obs the people I am working with are going to be left in the lurch. But what about me. Where does it leave me. How many times have I said it's making me have some control. It is keeping me going. Now I could understand people may think that's all well and good but at what cost to the clients. There is none! I can do the job, I do it well.
I am screwed what ever happens I think!
