Could anyone help me?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by Escapist, Feb 1, 2010.

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  1. Escapist

    Escapist Well-Known Member

    Hello,

    So I have this problem. I kept something from the girl I fancy, because of how extreme she can respond about it, and because I feel uncomfortable and ashamed for sharing such a personal thing. What is this personal thing you ask? It's masturbation.

    She and I, have had quite the difficulties in the past, to the point where she isn't exactly trusting me alot anymore, has doubts. I've done horrid things and caused her alot of pain. For reference - http://www.suicideforum.com/showthread.php?t=76321 ( a detailed thread about my past, and what exactly has been going between the girl I fancy and myself.)

    Well to get to the point of this thread..

    She asked me. If I masturbated, and I've been keeping that from her for a long time. As I was ashamed of doing so. I feel uncomfortable talking about it, and apart from that she would use exactly that against me to make fun of it. The last time we met up, we talked about it and I finally got around telling her about it. (Before I had said, I only had done it once.) But, when she asked, I told her the truth, I felt comfortable enough this time around as it was asked in real. And not over the net.

    Though today, she asked again. She forgot she had asked in real. I answered her, that I do masturbate, and asked her if she remembered that she asked me about this already. She didn't, and started calling me a liar, because I've said before, I only had done it once.

    Though how is this lying!? If I don't feel comfortable with sharing something personal, you respect that, right? It isn't as easy to say. "I don't want to talk about it right now." Due of the past we have together. But still, you can't force me to say something I don't feel comfortable about, and are ashamed of? I want that it's done in confidence and that I know I won't get made fun of. You can't force a girl to make love with you either, right? So what the hell!?

    Later on. We go to the topic of the amount I masturbate. Let me tell you beforehand, that due my past I never felt to find myself in a sexual mood or anything. I had other things to worry about. And thus, I didn't masturbate as frequent as the majority of the males do. It's like once a month, and sometimes not at all, and it just happens due a dream. But, I was again entitled as a liar. She suddenly gives me some statistics about masturbation and how frequent males do it.

    So, honestly? Now I am called a pervert, because I masturbate. I am called a liar, for having kept things I didn't feel comfortable sharing about, and because I don't masturbate as much as the statistics say.

    I'm so done with this. I've had a fucking past which tore me apart. I had no one but myself, I had to look after my brother when it came down it. I've always been thinking of others and putting myself last, I had to survive. There was no FREAKING time I wanted to know, how my body worked. I had other things to worry about, I had other things to do. And Masturbation hasn't ever been one of them.


    Though yet, I'm told that I am lying. I'm just some emotional messed up person who doesn't have itself in hand. How can I help it?

    TO HELL WITH EVERYTHING.

    If they can't even understand the situation I have been through, and how much I actually had to deal with. Then I don't see a point in living anymore, and honestly I'd just like to give up on life. For good.

    My sincere and honest apologies, that I failed you. But this is it.

    Regards,
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 1, 2010
  2. KittyGirl

    KittyGirl Well-Known Member

    Sorry you're feeling so frustrated with this situation...
    I always tease my guy friends about masturbation-- but the truth is, most people do it-- so there's really nothing to be ashamed about.
    If I ever asked someone close to me that question- it was more as a joke than anything.

    ...but my friends are all pervs like me, so it's cool.
     
  3. Escapist

    Escapist Well-Known Member

    It's not that. But, I am told that I am liar. x_x
    This is a quite personal topic, and not everyone is as open about it as others. But if I feel uncomfortable about sharing it. You don't go make fun of it? OR call one a pervert, right?

    Then when the amounts popped up, I was said to be a liar because mine were different than the said statistics. Though, I didn't have a normal life. So, how can she expect that i'd have to masturbate as much as the statistics show? It's not fair. I'm being honest to her, and tell her things in confidence, and she tries her hardest to go against it. By bringing up the said statistics. My past has interfered with my life, is that something I can help? No it isn't. Am I a liar then, for masturbating a different amount of times than the shown statistics?

    It just doesn't make sense, and now she permanently broke up with me. Because she thinks I've been lying. I honestly have no idea of what I am supposed to do now.

    Thank you for your reply, KittyGirl.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 2, 2010
  4. Datura

    Datura Well-Known Member

    To hell with her. She's trying to lay a guilt trip on you for something that is natural. Some things are none of other peoples business.
     
  5. Avarice

    Avarice Well-Known Member

    I'd actually like to defend myself here. I'm not trying to lay a guilt trip on anyone. I have a huge issue with this act, I can't stomach even the thought of it, it makes me feel physically sick. It isn't just the fact that I was lied to, as I understand why it was done, I just can't handle the force or amount that I was lied to. Shouted at that he didn't do it, told how disgusting it was of me to accuse him of that, lied to in my face about it. It hurts me that he lied about this for the longest time and so fiercly that I almost believed it. If he had just been honest to me from the very beginning about it, I'd have thought it fine. It's the constant lies that I cannot stand. On top of this, as you very well know Freya, there are parts of your cheating past where masturbation play a role, and like it or not but the thoughts that those things you told them others were true actually hurts. You've lied so much about this, who is it to say that the things you told the other girls isn't true either? Who is to say you aren't just 'ashamed' of that too and can't tell me because you know how I'd react? How anyone could react being told that by the person they love.

    I get that some things aren't my business but when the love of your life has told other girls he masturbates over them whilst he was dating you, it kinda becomes your business, now doesn't it? Especially if you're going to consider staying with this person. I don't expect to be understood, but I'd at least like to be respected for how I feel about this.

    EDIT: In fact, I was the one who was telling him it was a natural thing to do and that most if not all men do it, but he still denied it over and over again. I'm not stupid. I know men have to do this. I don't appreciate being lied to and made out like I am wrong when it is denied it so badly.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 2, 2010
  6. Fdt

    Fdt Well-Known Member

    Massive disparency between what Avarice is saying, and what Freya is saying.
    From my understanding:

    Avarice is saying that her mistrust of, and hence, break-up with Freya was due to him masturbating over other girls and then telling them, amongst other cheating related things . And the fact that he denied masturbating, even though Avarice would have been perfectly fine with it, the only thing she wasn't fine with was him lying about not doing it, then doing it.

    - Ofcourse even if you're completely in love with someone, other girls can pop into your head while masturbating, no big deal. But telling those girls that he masturbated over them is just giving the impression to others that he's more interested in them than Avarice, and is just plain demeaning.

    Though from Freya's post, there is no mention of him masturbating over other girls and then telling them. It all seems to orientate around the fact that Freya masturbates and refuses to admit it to Avarice due being ashamed of it. Then Avarice presents statistics to Freya showing how normal it is for men to masturbate, in an attempt to make him feel for comfortable about admitting it, though Freya interprets it as her trying to pressure him to admit to something he doesn't like talking about.

    That's my interpretation of everything.
    Though, I am wondering why Freya is so uncomfortable talking about masturbation. I don't know if there's any massive cultural differences between where you and I live, but here EVERY boy masturbates, and EVERYONE knows it, and no one thinks anything of it. If a boy were to admit to NOT masturbating, he'd be considered really weird. I don't see how Avarice can hold it against you as something to mock you with.
     
  7. *sparkle*

    *sparkle* Staff Alumni

    i think this is a private matter between 2 members and that it isnt the place to ask people to take sides etc. because of this im going to close the thread and ask freya to keep this to pm
     
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