Could family ever understand

Discussion in 'After Effects' started by Bruces, May 8, 2015.

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  1. Bruces

    Bruces Well-Known Member

    I really want to take my life but the effects on my family stop me could they understand if they knew what our lives were like
     
  2. Unknown_111

    Unknown_111 Forum Buddy Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Bruce, you are important and please do not give up on life. Your are important to your family and I know you battle with life everyday. We as a collective here survive but we battle everyday. You are stronger than you think.
     
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  3. afterlifepig

    afterlifepig Well-Known Member

    i feel the same way. i assume my family would not understand and that it would be a massive betrayal on my part ... so i don't do it

    i just found a new hobby (math. related ... convenient since i'm going 2 school 2 b a programmer) ... hopefully it will last me awhile ... since ur so old (i'm 24) maybe u find it difficult to have fun w/ stuff like that, like been there done that?

    Pauld Erdos is like my nerd hero ... basically he drank lots of coffee and would collaborate w/ ppl to produce new mathematics ... and he was productive into his 70s and early 80s i believe.
     
  4. AAA3330

    AAA3330 Well-Known Member

    I think that my family would understand. For all practical reasons they've already lost their son. I haven't been able to see them in 2 and a half years. I can't be the son that they used to have. I never would have imagined that something so terrible would happen to my brain, but it has and it's never going to go away. It would have been so much better if I would have died. Losing your mind the way that I have has got to be just about the worst possible thing that could ever happen to anyone. It's just not fair. Under certain circumstances I believe that death is the only solution. This thing has been so hard for me and my parents. It's just so terrible.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: May 8, 2015
  5. Bruces

    Bruces Well-Known Member

    I don't wanna hurt family and I wish I was normal but I just can't see that happening
     
  6. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    I totally understand how you feel, I have been there and it is not a nice place. You feel in limbo as you want them and you happy. What I would suggest is you talking to whoever you are the closest to and open up to them and tell them your true feelings, i'm sure they would help you. Normal is enormously over rated and misunderstood but I get what you are saying. Talk to them, talk to us, together we will get through this, hand in hand :) :hugs:
     
  7. Bruces

    Bruces Well-Known Member

    I've spoke to them and they just get upset and say I'm talking daft but in my mind I'm repeating the saying I wish I was dead over and over again,my stepmum told me life is precious and a gift to me it's torture and punishment I absolutely hate every minute of life I pray to die
     
  8. Bruces

    Bruces Well-Known Member

    I'm sat here crying wishing life would suddenly end
     
  9. AAA3330

    AAA3330 Well-Known Member

    I also feel as if I'm constantly tortured by my mind. I was always a good person and just don't understand. It feels like I'm being punished when I didn't do anything wrong. I spent a few years while I was younger of heavy drinking. I would have thought that if anything would have damaged my brain then that would have. I just have such a hard time seeing how just getting stressed out could have caused such a thing to happen to my mind. I mean other people have stressors in their lives and this doesn't happen. I feel like I've really messed up my life. It is messed up, but I know that it's not my fault. Even so, I still have to deal with having a messed up mind. I still have to suffer even though I didn't do anything wrong. Sometimes life can be so unfair.
     
  10. Bruces

    Bruces Well-Known Member

    Life is evil as far as I'm concerned the hand your dealt people I know have great lives and relationships whilst I live in constant misery,I wish I was dead asap
     
  11. AAA3330

    AAA3330 Well-Known Member

    You're right. Life can be evil for people like us, but life can also be a beautiful thing. I was very fortunate all of my life so I know that it can be wonderful. It just makes me sick when I think about the life that I used to have as compared with the way that it is now. As time goes by, it becomes harder and harder for me to remember how my life used to be. The only thing that I ever feel now is sadness and sorrow, but I used to be happy and content with my life. I was more fortunate than most people, but I'm afraid all that is in the past. I don't have a life anymore. The things that used to matter to me just don't matter anymore. I don't care about any of my possesions anymore so all of my stereo equipment and music just sits. I also used to watch a lot of tv. There are so many things that I used to do but can't or don't care to do anymore. With the way that I feel now, I wish that I were never born. I'm grateful that I had a good life, but with the way I feel now, it outweighs the good and I just wish that I were dead.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: May 9, 2015
  12. Bruces

    Bruces Well-Known Member

    I've never enjoyed anything life is only ever misery
     
  13. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Your stepmum is right, just because you cannot see that right now at this moment doesn't mean she's wrong and she was also probably trying to help you feel better. Maybe open up to her more, have you tried that? And she might be able to help with some issues :)
     
  14. Bruces

    Bruces Well-Known Member

    I felt that life was some kind of punishment and a torture since I was 17 I'm now 40 every year I find life just gets a little bit worse to the point where I am now living in misery
     
  15. NYJmpMaster

    NYJmpMaster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    There comes a point where nothing changes unless something changes. If with what you are doing and have been doing things continue to get worse, then maybe you should consider how to change things so there is at least a possibility of a different result. The "always do what what you always did and you will always get what you always got". While I have no idea what changes may help you because in hundreds of posts i have never seen anything about you or what your issues are except a list of diagnosis, you clearly know what things are causing the problems so really should look at changing those things.
     
  16. Bruces

    Bruces Well-Known Member

    I'd like to change things but the circumstances id like to change would require finances I don't have unfortunately
     
  17. NYJmpMaster

    NYJmpMaster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    Clearly if we had millions we would would all change lots of things, but it is unlikely that there is nothing in your life or perspective that cannot be changed without money and short of starving from lack of food or living in a cardboard box, seldom is money going to effect a change that matters emotionally. It certainly makes a lot of difference on physical comforts, but emotional pain is addressed on a very different level than physical comforts and new cars, houses, vacations o the things money buys does not have a lot of effect on emotions and the way a person feels about themselves unless they are ruled by vanity and materialistic goals.
     
  18. Bruces

    Bruces Well-Known Member

    I think in the main I'd agree with you but in some aspects my life could be greatly improved I live in a shared yard with family which I dislike my uncle is a hoarder and his part of the yard looks like a scrapyard which depresses me greatly I'd love to move but can't for financial reasons,another simple thing is I used to enjoy driving it was a passion of mine and now because I only have a clapped out car my love of driving has gone,so I don't believe money can cure everything it can certainly help,I once read a quote from a celebrity that said "I've been miserable and poor and I've been miserable and rich and miserable And rich is far better"!!!
     
  19. Bruces

    Bruces Well-Known Member

    I think my situation had now reached a level I can't get out of I think it's more than just a rut it's a mess
     
  20. Bruces

    Bruces Well-Known Member

    Is my conscience enough to stop me from attempting? Should other people's feelings feelings stop you from putting an end to the suffering?
     
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