Could I be more pathetic?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Madam Mim, Feb 27, 2011.

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  1. Madam Mim

    Madam Mim Well-Known Member

    I have to be the most pathetic human of all time. Nothing I do ever goes right, and I'm absolutely useless. I can't even get my friend to get out of my house. I'm sure no-one else ends up in such stupid situations. He was meant to be here to help me yesterday, but made me pick him up at about 9pm, by which time I'd already broken down, and now has decided to just stay tonight and all of tomorrow too. I don't know how to tell him that rather than helping me he's just triggering me and causing me a lot of anxiety, and I just want him to go.

    All my uni work is piling up again, and I just feel stupid. I keep crying, which I hate, and nothing seems worth fighting for now. I don't know what I'm expecting from posting this, but I need someone to 'listen', since no-one else will. Sorry to take up your time.

    Mim
     
  2. WalkingCorpse

    WalkingCorpse Well-Known Member

    No, of course you aren't pathetic, just overwhelmed. I wish I were there, then I would tell your "friend" to fuck off for you. The hostile mood I'm in right is just the right mood to do it.

    Try to stop crying, it will just give you a headache.

    *hugs*
     
  3. Ushee

    Ushee Member

    I'm feeling the same way as your are right now, so please realize you're not alone. If your friend really is making you feel this way then tell them you need a break and to get out, that's probably the first step you can take to feeling better.

    Also, since you mention you're in Uni, are there counselors you can see there?

    If you want to talk more privately please feel free to pm me.
     
  4. Madam Mim

    Madam Mim Well-Known Member

    Thank you. I wish you were here, I think he needs a kick up the ass, and I'm just not capable of doing it. He used to be my best friend, but now I don't know why I still have him in my life.

    Thank you Ushee. I do see a counsellor at uni, have been for about 18 months now. I thought it was really helping, but now I just seem to be back where I started.

    I feel so pathetic for not being able to tell him to leave, and I don't even know why I can't. It's my house, I never even said he could stay, but somehow I'm just incapable of doing anything about it. I'm such a loser.

    Mim
     
  5. Ushee

    Ushee Member

    That's a little discouraging to hear that your counselor is not helping you much and that you've gone back to square one, but never give up hope. I personally hope to start some sort of therapy or counseling soon (I've been an idiot for not going to one sooner) because I've been battling dependency and depression my entire life.

    I can also totally relate to not being able to tell him to leave. There is no way I could ever tell a friend to do anything like that because of my dependency issues, I'd be too afraid they'd hate me. So please don't think you're a loser.
     
  6. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Start doing your own thing while he is there and if he does not get the message, at least he is not wasting your time...I do have a friend like that...the pretense is that she is coming for a few hrs and stays for a few days...I just go about my business while she is here, interact when I want, and make sure I am not her maid (she can make a message out of even the liter box)...it is so difficult to show someone the door, and I am not good at it either...you are definitely not alone!
     
  7. Madam Mim

    Madam Mim Well-Known Member

    I have been pretty much doing my own thing, except I haven't eaten, because I don't have enough to share and would feel guilty. I'm not very hungry anyway, but I think he's going to bed soon so I might grab something then. Luckily, I'm dropping him off somewhere on my way in to uni in the morning, so I'll be rid of him.

    This whole thing just highlighted to me what I'm really like. I try to keep up this pretense of being so strong and capable, but I'm clearly not. I can't handle anything. And the thought of going through the rest of my life like this is so disheartening. I just can't carry on like this, with my ridiculous excuse for a life.

    Mim
     
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