Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by ~Nobody~, Jan 30, 2007.
It must have been my fault, in one way or another.
Who are you talking about? And what happened? (Sorry if it's been posted, I haven't seen it..)
My mum's ex. He abused my mum and me physically and emotionally, and he also abused me sexually.
I should have done more, or less, or something.
You couldn't have done anything. For one, I imagine he overpowered you, correct? To sexually abuse you have to put up some fight, or just give up if you know you can't win.. but you couldn't have done anything, he was sick in the head and couldn't be helped. Not onnly is it not your fault, but neither was it your mothers.. if you wish we can move this to an IM.
Of course he did, yes, but I should have fought harder, shouted louder. I should have told someone (fuck knows who, not my mother, but someone). I should have worn baggier clothes. I should have moved out at sixteen instead of deciding to stay there to look after my mum. I should never have trusted him in the first place.
The fact that I did none of these things means that I was in some way complicit, at the very least.
I hate him, but I hate myself.
It's a mistake. Mistakes are made, we learn from them dear. You can't ride on one thing your entire life; he was a synical asshole (Sorry) and he should have been shot and killed for the things he did. Theres no question in my mind about that, hell I would have done it if I could.
You were in NO WAY complicit, believe me.. you couldn't have stopped him. Fighting harder would ahve only drove his want for it more and more, not fend him off. YOu could have done nothing to help yourself..
Hating yourself, is not the answer. I've encountered such crisis' before, and believe me. Hating yourself is the worst possible thing anyone can do. Let me put it to you like this:
No one here will think you're weak, or helpless. No one here will mock you and call you dirty name because you were assaulted (Raped?). No one here will think of you as a lesser being than any of their own.
Good Lord hun, some nasty piece of work who can't keep his hands to himself abuses you AND ITS YOUR FAULT???????!!!!!! NO WAY IS THIS YOUR FAULT !!!!
People stay in potentially dangerous situations for lots of different reasons, it doesn't make it their fault when the worse that can happen happens.
He is the abuser, he is the one at fault, he is the low life that should be locked up and the key thrown away.
YOU ARE THE INNOCENT VICTIM !!!! :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug:
Very well put! I commend you on that statement.
Makes no difference anyway if I'm dead.
It makes a difference to us. You'd be missed.
We want u here! If it wasnt for u i think i would have been gone a few months ago, and now im going to trya nd help u as much as i can, because i kno what a fantastic and caring person u r! U r the victim in this situation. He was the one in the wrong, so dont EVER think that n e thing that happened was ur fault! Prove to him that u r better than that by getting through this...u can do it, i know u can! xoxo