Could this be why I am having suicidal thoughts.

About 6 months ago when I was 15 I discovered myspace. I thought I would meet someone new. There was a 21 year old guy who told me everything I wanted to hear. So we meet. he then gets me drunk and rapes me. He later had a guilty conscience and told on himself for having sex with a minor. too make a long story short I may have HIV. he has it and there testing me Sunday. The thing is is that my parents found out I was gay the hard way. I mean I told them b4 but they thought it was a phase.

 

They now know im for real gay. and they hate me and dont accept me. and I feel that if IM gonna be depressed and cant turn to my parents what am I gonna do in life there gonna hate me forever regardless. I feel no need to live.

 

You have my support brother. Bear in mind the fact that you have held on until now through the horror. Remember your parents dont hate you, they just do not understand what you have gone through. Love is a fickle thing and takes many shapes and forms. They do love you though of that I have no doubt, they just exist in a world where people can turn against even the most joyful of things - love between two people, whether it man and man, man and woman or woman and woman. It is not hate but fear. Fear that you will be stigmatized, fear that what has happened already may happen, fear you will live a painful life. Hold on there mate and dont give in. I am praying that you come through this and for all that it sounds strange, it even gives me hope in humanity that the perpetrator had in his soul enough decency to realise that he had done a terrible, terrible wrong. It does not change what he did nor excuse him, but at least we know that even in the darkest hearts lives the possibility for light? Forgiveness is not something that I would suggest at the stage, being too early perhaps, but ultimately, he is the bigger loser here as you are still pure and innocent and he is tarnished and fouled. You mate, are the one to stand tall and proud. For what did you do wrong? Nothing, nothing at all. I say ''If I die of trusting too much, then I die well''. You trusted and were betayed, yet does that make of you a bad person? Not at all. Take courage with this if its at all possible. I have a feeling that your test result will surprise, God moves in way we cannot imagine and is not constrained by the writing of perhistory - he exists at the moment just before sleep, just before wakefulness and beyond the pain at the edge of despair, seek for him and his strenght and you will know it. I do not reference God in the traditional Christian/Jewish/Islam sense, I talk about the creator force of the universe who so loved us that he made a world in a sea of dark and cold and void that could sustain us to the point where we are typing these message to one another.

In a nutshell, its a miracle we got this far!

Hang on bro and PM me if you need to talk.....

Ian

 

My best friend is a gay man who has HIV. He is a wonderful person and he has managed to pull through.

I don't have any reason to live myself so I can't really give a lot of advice but I know when I found out I have genital herpes, seeing how well my friend copes with something some much bigger really helped me get through at the time.


Best of luck,

J.