Could use advice

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by carekitty, Apr 4, 2010.

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  1. carekitty

    carekitty Guest

    I'll try to keep this short, so no one falls asleep..........;)

    I have been married for quite some time. It's a very poor marriage, and the guy is emotionally abusive. There has been some physical abuse in the past, but that has stopped. Basically he's just very cruel to me.

    We also have a son. He's the greatest thing since sliced bread, but perhaps I'm biased. :wink:

    I have become extremely depressed and suicidal because of this marriage. In fact I'm sitting here now, with bloody tissues all around me, because I like to hang onto them after I cut (I guess that's pretty sick, huh). I have thought often of leaving the marriage, but because of serious long term illness, I don't know how I'd support my son and myself. I also worry about the trauma of divorce and moving, etc., to my son.

    But if I stay, my son has to live with this zombie I've become. I don't think I even combed through my hair yesterday. He deserves better.

    Often, I think the best way out is just to end my own life. The only reason I haven't, is because I know that would really hurt my son.

    I'm not trying to put anyone on the spot here, but if anyone has been through any similar experiences, I would like to hear how they handled it. I'm pretty much at the end of my rope. I use to be a happy person, now, I'm not really even a person anymore. Just a walking corpse.
  2. cloud9

    cloud9 Well-Known Member


    I'm really sorry to hear about the position that you're in. You don't deserve any of the abuse that has come your way *Hug. It angers me :mad: that it happened. I'm 22 years old, but I think that I can tell you what I feel about the situation because my mom is in some sort of similar situation.

    I'm not sure what the nature of your long term illness is and how it prevents you from working. Is there really no option for you to pursue work on your own? There must be some sort of support centre for abused women in your area. I encourage you to find it and seek their help.

    My mom is really under an emotionally abusive relationship with my father. I don't believe there has ever been any physical abuse, I definitely hope so. The emotional abuse really come in the form of comments that serve no purpose but to destroy my mom's self-esteem. They can be subtle at times. The end result really is my mom is unhappy and she has no friends. She tends to keep to herself at home. When you say how you didn't comb through your hair yesterday it reminded me of how my mom just gave up on dyeing her hair. Almost as if to throw in the towel and give up on life. It hurts when I think about it, and as you're headed down a similar route, I can't help but draw a parallel.

    You're right, your son does deserve better, but so do you! If your husband is emotionally abusive, get away if you can in my opinion. My mom really comes from a culture where wives are so financially dependent on their husbands, that she can't do anything without my dad. Not to mention there are cultural stigmas against divorce. All of these things have kept my mom with my dad. If you can fend for yourself, please do it.

    I'm glad you haven't done the terrible deed of suicide. Its good that your son is keeping you here and he would be devastated if you're gone. Still, having a mother who is unhappy and headed down the path you are also has terrible emotional consequences for your son. Forgive me if this is sounding rude or inconsiderate. Don't you want to be the kind of mother your son can really look up to and come to for advice? You have to take care of yourself.

    Look for some sort of centre for women who are abused. Just try to get help with this. I hope things get better.

  3. Bambi

    Bambi Well-Known Member

    I will have to keep this short and to the point as I am in IM with someone but really wanted to reply to you as I feel strongly about your situation.

    I think you need to leave. It is destroying you and you obviously care about being a great mom...if you are destroyed in trying to stay you son essentially has no mom and that is sad.

    Sure there is going to be an adjustment period but it is better then living with a will get back on your feet one day soon and then you can be the mom you wish to be and are truly capable of .

    I have been the kid whos parents stayed together when they should not have it damaged me to grow up around that so I say take care of you so you can be a great mom.

    YOur love for you son is so evident are a good person I can tell...hang in there and we are here for you anytime.

    Hugs Bambi
  4. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I think you need to take your son and get to a womens shelter where they will give you the coping skills to live independantly from your abuser.
    Your son needs to have a safe place in which to grow a healthy place if you hubby is emotionally abusive to you then he will be with your son.
    Leave get the help for you to get strong and independant with your son and don't go back unless husband is willing to get therapy for himself
    I think you need to get therapy independantly of him as well because you need to heal without his interferance.
    Find a healthy place for your son to grow up in okay the womens shelter will help you give them a call
  5. carekitty

    carekitty Guest

    Thank you so much for your replies! I am really touched by them.

    rfcmvp ~ I'm so sorry to hear about your mom. She is blessed to have such a wonderful son like you. That's another thing we have in common! I really appreciate your input, it helps me see how things might look from my son's point of view. Thanks so much.

    Bambi ~ Thanks so much for your input as well. I'm sorry that you went through this with your parents as well. It helps to hear from someone who has been in that position, and it helps me make up my mind. Thanks.

    Violet ~ Thanks so much for responding. You always reply when I have needed help, and it means a lot to me. Thank you.

    My husband is going out of town on business for a week, so that will give me a break to catch my breath. Unfortunately, my health wouldn't allow me to go to a woman's shelter. I have a blood disorder where I create antibodies against my own blood cells, including my white cells, the neutrophils. So any type of illness is very serious for me, and I don't do well in places where I am around a lot of people.

    I am going to try and set some money aside, and find a place to live. I do have some extended family, and while I couldn't stay with them, they might be willing to help me a bit. The next thing would probably be to see a lawyer.

    I don't know if my husband would become violent if I left. On one hand, he says he won't, but on the other hand, he has told me he will never let me go.

    Thanks again so much for all your help. I pray I am in a good enough place soon where I can help others.
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