Could use some perspective

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by noct, Aug 24, 2007.

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  1. noct

    noct New Member

    Hello, I realized tonight that this is the first time I've considered suicide and actually thought of a relatively effective way to carry it out and what steps I would have to do. I'm pretty sure this is a sign psychologists look for when diagnosing the seriousness of depression.

    I've had depression for a few years now. I rarely felt intense sadness, but had full-blown anhedonia for a while, being motivated only by physiological needs (mainly hunger and sleep) and having a complete loss of enjoyment of activites that used to be enjoyable to me. I tried Prozac for 6 months with no effect whatsoever (except for the first week and a half which was later found to be placebo effect). I then tried Welbutrin which made an enormous difference and motivated me to find work, finish school, and engage in creative endeavors in general.

    Lately I can still enjoy things, but it comes and goes. I feel rather aimless now. I've been surviving off of different temp jobs and have graduated, though I'm not sure I want a job in the field I majored in and don't know what I want to do for a living in general. By far the thing I miss the most before I had depression is drive. I could be extremely motivated to accomplish some things in the past, a feeling which feels greatly diminished nowadays as I have difficulty coming up with anything I care enough about to find energy to devote to it.

    I don't feel sad about my current state nor pity, just that I dislike it and don't have much motivation for living in general. I don't have a burning desire to kill myself, but it feels like my most viable (not trying to be ironic) option to get out of the current state that I'm in. I don't have the finances to seek any sort of psychiatric help, and even then I'd be pretty skeptical going in. Also even though it flies directly in the face of logic (since the alternative could be death), I would want to avoid anything like admittance to a mental hospital that would be seen as a permanent stigma towards some career paths, especially those in government.

    Since much of society would probably view my state as distorted thinking as a result of depression, I thought I could use some perspective for things that I might be missing in my trains of thought. I see that much as an avenue worht investingating before any suicide attempts.
  2. Anime-Zodiac

    Anime-Zodiac Well-Known Member

    Your considering ending it, therefore in some way or another your uncomfortable with your current state.

    I guess the common factor is that you lack drive and motivation. Have you spoken about this to anyone else.
  3. silent_enigma

    silent_enigma Well-Known Member

    Do you have supportive parents?
  4. MrDepressed

    MrDepressed Guest

    I too have often found myself in this same sort of state, just losing motivation and desire, old enjoyments lose there luster.. for me its like a limbo nearing on nightmare.. Wellbutrin worked for me for sometime too, brought back my ability to concentrate but after sometime it just quit workin for me, eventually they took me off of it and after a couple months free from any medication I was given an official diagnosis which has helped me in my perspective alot.. I was diagnosed with Asperger syndrome.
    I wish I had advice for you that could help, but sadly I really cant other than relating my own experiences in life.. I am fortunate cause I live in Canada and all my mental health care has been free through out the years..
    I would recommend doing some googles searches for agencies that provide services on a sliding scale fee or agencies that can help you in the different areas that you would like to seek help in.. some would be free or cheap. Good luck with you searches.
  5. weirdal

    weirdal Forum Buddy

    i too have lost all sense of enjoyment in life, i have quit everthing i used to to and im afraid of becoming an empty shell

    have to tried talking to your parents?

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